想一起去数星星，
一起看萤火虫，
一起环游马来西亚，
一起尝尽各地的美食，
一起坐油轮，
一起看烟花，
一起实现梦想，
最重要的是
每一年一起度过元旦。
活在当下，掌握今天
相信你就是了
最近发生太多的事，有点令人有喘不过气来的感觉。我承认，我是有反应过度了。怪就怪我害怕，我真的怕我又会在感情的路上失败多一次。说到底，我对我们的感情，还是有信心不足的时候。我自卑吧，觉得自己没有能力留住你。觉得别人的条件一定比我好，你会要选择她。不知道啦，这种感觉好烦！
可是，我要说，我相信你就是了！你说没有，就没有吧。多余的解释，我不想听了。说多了，好像正为你的行为找某些借口。只是我不明白，你说你光明正大，哪为何要兜圈子，来隐瞒着我？情侣，做到不坦白，不信任，是很可悲的，你知道吗？当我知道真相的时候，是多么的伤心？你说，为了不让我胡思乱想。只是，你不说真话，我知道了真相，也不就会胡思乱想吗？有些事，是注定了的。如果这是我们的一个考验，我希望我们能够牵手一起度过。其他事，我不管了。
Written on 27/12/2008 @ 5:48 p.m.
缘定今生
突然间觉得很困扰。也许是自寻烦恼，也许是岂人忧天，也许是真理求证，也许是未雨绸缪。我好烦恼！我不知道自己已经陷入什么的困境。看似三角关系的，又像四角，或是五角。到底是什么一回事？我还没有开始了解，东西就排山倒海要我去面对。我好烦恼！我开始觉得自己神经质了一点。有点神经衰落的现象。我好紧张，我好害怕。
我不难过。我不伤心。只是泪埂在心头流不出，我不懂。不懂得要怎么面对你，不懂得要怎么面对她。好累！我不想再牵系在这个关系里头！我透不过气！我要崩溃了！纠缠不清的感情，我不想理！我想潇洒的抽身。我想放手。只因我不想处处都要防着别人。我不想做有心计的女人。我知道，我会不忍心。爱情需要自私。可是，我知道勉强没有幸福。我不敢去面对。我怕失败。我怕给人背叛。
有些人，有些事，还是顺其自然的好。要是注定的，最后还是会走在一起。单元，是我小人之心，是我多心，是我敏感。
Written 27/12/2008 @ 2:12 a.m.
My fortune in 2009
Mom got me about my fortune sheet for next year. First glance of it, wow, it looks really terrible. Seem like it's going to be a tough time for me next year. Here is what the sheet said:
兔 Rabbit Born in: 1927 1939 1951 1963 1975 1987 1999
Personality
Peace loving, impeccable manners in the pursuit of a good life, intelligent in business with creative mind but sometimes moody and indifferent.
A person born in the year of the Rabbit possesses one of the most fortunate of the twelve animal signs. The Rabbit, or Hare as he is referred to in Chinese mythology, is the emblem of longevity and is said to derive his essence from the Moon. The rabbit symbolizes graciousness, good manners, sound counsel, kindness and sensitivity to beauty. His soft speech and graceful nimble ways embody all the desirable traits of a successful diplomat or seasoned politician. Likewise, a person born under this sign will lead a tranquil life, enjoying peace, quiet and congenial environment. He is reserved and artistic and possesses good judgment. His thoroughness will also make him a good scholar. He will shine in the fields of law, politics and government. The Rabbit likes: The arts, Comfort, Secrets, Riddles and Intrigue. The Rabbit dislike: Decisions, Violence, Criticism, Untidiness and Dirtiness. Compatible Animals: Goat, Dog, Pig
Your Luck In Year 2009
Overall Forecast Luck this year fluctuates wildly. Visibly clear good luck hides some air of danger and misspells underneath. Perhaps a better option will be to store your energy for a better comeback. Use this time to plan and feel around for the right to strike. Fortunately, resolving stars are around to bring light amid the darkness of danger. Apparently not a good year to be aggressive in all aspects.
Set your expectations lower for the year and enrich yourself further. Health issue will be of major setback to you, so take heed. Greed in investment matters will also fail you. Proper finance management will be helpful indeed.
Career You are advised to be more conservative when it comes to your career path. Entrepreneurship will only lead to fruitless ventures. Working adults should guard against your colleague who might be a wolf in sheep skin. Nevertheless, keep to your own fences and all will be well. Those born in 1963 and 1975 will have lots of fresh opportunities to begin with.
Love Mood and emotional discharges are very unstable. You feel left out, and lonely. Do attempt to correct your twisted perception of your partner and others around you. They do show care for you just that your temperamental behaviour causes them confusion and misinterpretation of your intentions. Trust, care and communication are keys to a fruitful relationship.
Wealth Proper income is stable. Control your spending and crisis will not occur. Do not greed of ill-gotten wealth as you will face lawsuits and inevitably, causes you great pain and suffering. In addition, you will do yourself a favour by not borrowing or acting as guarantor. Leave lottery luck to affinity. Reduce amount of unnecessary investments especially risky ones.
Health Caution of health and accidents. Fatigue and overdrive cause you to have unstable emotions and mental states. Be careful when you are driving or on a boat trip, especially water danger. Chronic ailments of the elderly may surface again. Partake healthier food.
(Geomancy Hut, 2008)
So, yeah. It doesn't look nice when I read through it. No luck. No fortune. No bright light. But hor, when I google search for my Rabbit zodiac fortune on 2009, I found Lilian Too (2008) saying: "All of you born in the year of the RABBIT will have excellent vitality in 2009…". Erm.. So who am I to believe? Haha. Looking at these kinds of things as a joke. Perhaps just need to go pray pray during the first day of CNY. The Chinese fortune telling is more critical, if you want to know how bad luck can go, suggest you read it la. If not, remain happy-go-lucky. Here it is:
肖兔的朋友，在鼠年得到「太阴」贵人的助力，在事业方面平稳进步，而爱情又得到「红鸾」星的照顾，因而与伴侣相处甜蜜，但因凶星缠绕，健康方面的表
现就较为逊色了，希望你能够保重身体，不受病魔的困扰，以应付牛年的种种挑战。兔人踏入牛年，凶险重重，一方面没有吉星之助，另方面又见众多凶星潜伏，蓄
势以待，固此流年必须步步为营，处处小心。
【事业与工作】
由于今年命宫欠缺吉星守护，四处皆无助力，令属兔的你在工作上不单难有突破，甚至阻碍重重，做事事半功倍。在牛年里，只见「囚狱」、「灾煞」等凶星坐守
命宫，肆无忌惮。「囚狱」主有官非、刑罚事件，代表你今年将会因为公事出错而招来麻烦，轻者受上司责罚，重则惹起诉讼事件，须以法律途径解决。而「灾煞」
主有意外破损，做事徒劳无功，换句话说，无论你今年如何辛劳，都难有重要收获。
【理财与投资】
由于事业出现重重阻滞，正财也就无法强求有突破进账，唯有希望保持往年水平已经算不错了。今年命宫欠财星，偏财、横财欠奉，故投资者必须要谨慎，千万不可贪求短线利益而独注一掷，否则一涂败地，后悔莫及。流年不利，赌博必要避之而吉，以防辛苦积蓄，付诸一炬。
【爱情与婚姻】
已婚人士与配偶相处，时有争端，为子女，也为家庭开支;蜜运中的兔人，与爱侣常因小事而陷于冷战之中，聚少离多，甚至有闹分手的危机;未有对象的你，感情仍然一片空白，唯有继续等待良缘吧。
【健康与生活】
今年命宫逢「披头」、「丧门」、「灾煞」及「地丧」等凶星，每一颗都影响着你，以至你家人的健康。「披头」和「地丧」都是主家人、近亲患病，代表今年你
家中的老人家身体欠安，严重者需要进医院治理;「丧门」则影响着属兔的长者，令你健康受损，而「灾煞」除了破坏你的工作表现外，也令年轻的你容易受手脚之
伤。
【二○○九己丑年天同锦囊】
虽然有凶煞在旁，工作难望有美好收成，但也不可因此而自暴自弃，相反，你应该要加倍用功，守好岗位，希望累积更多经验和实际知识，以求在好运降临时，能
发挥最大的潜能，振翅高飞。此外，健康无价，流年凶星群出，令你身心遭受困扰，连带家人也受到影响，所以在牛年里，你除了要预防意外受伤之外，也要多抽时
间照顾家人健康，希望一家人可以有惊无险，平安过渡牛年。
(ChongWawa, 2008)
I like these words: "你应该要加倍用功，守好岗位，希望累积更多经验和实际知识，以求在好运降临时，能
发挥最大的潜能，振翅高飞" Trust your ability!
Written on 26/12/2008 @ 11:51 p.m.
圣诞节
没有高兴的心情，心中惆怅着。空气中凝满着忧郁的气息。我纳闷，怎么今年的圣诞我要这么委屈？
想起小时候，一觉起来，床头一定会有一份礼物。而我也会兴高采烈地在第一时间把礼物打开，谢过圣诞老人。今天的床头没有礼物，我也不再天真相信这世上有圣诞老人的存在。是长大了？可是，可是，我还是很喜欢圣诞节。我还是很喜欢小时候拿到礼物那个开心的模样。我喜欢拆礼物的那个时刻。我喜欢那一个感动。多么令人怀念的童真。我很想很想拥有这份纯真之心。至少，我会比较开心。
Written on 25/12/2008 @ 5:27 p.m.
爱美的女人
怎样的女人才算得上美丽？最近常被一个人叫我Aunty，恨得我牙牙痒的。算什么哦？我说过，就算做Aunty，我也要做一个漂亮的Aunty。我觉得自己的样貌还不赖嘛。不过，还真的担心岁月会不留人。我开始研究有关美容的书本。
最近有点胖了。很积极地找出瘦身的方法。婶婶说得对啊，世上真的没有丑女！懒女就有！而我是其中一人超懒得！再爱美都好，忙起来的时候什么都忘了。要进行的瘦身计划，也拿去煲汤了。我爱美但又懒惰，又不愿意花时间护理，试问天下哪有两全其美的事？
看书说，男人对于他女人的护肤品，是会很大方愿意花钱。不错的，有个男人愿意为我花这种钱，要我变美又如何？今天婶婶忍不住为我做了一次facial，也让我知道，暧昧的学问并不是那么简单。女人啊，不常keep一keep，就很容易走样。不管哪一个年龄，哪一个阶段都是一样！肌肤，对女人真得很重要！
别人看你，第一眼是你的那张脸。如果不照顾，让痘痘乱生，给人的印象不久差了吗？我承认，脸确实很重要。一直以来，我都凭着先天的优件，而对肌肤不做什么的照顾。不理会，不去管，认为青春就是大不了。现在，我开始紧张了。打从我发现我从"吃不肥"变得"胖腰"时，我就开始担心，有一天，我的脸，我的手，都会变成这样。婶婶说，现阶段，我的年龄不需要保养，简单护肤和照顾就行了！我认同，女人的大关在25岁以后，我离这个数字不远了！现在，我要努力！
我要美！从头美到尾！我知道自己头发不够多， 皮肤不够滑。需要改进！我会努力！只是，我也认为，自信的女人最美！^^
Written on 20/12/2008 @ 11:43 p.m.
Santa，我想要的东西太多
太多想要的东西，太小的能力。
无法实现，唯有期望。
希望，希望，再希望
希望有一天，有人会把我想要的东西送给我。
希望有一天，我想要的东西会从天而降。
希望有一天，我会中大奖把所有东西买下。
希望归希望
天下没有免费的午餐，
不劳而获，不会有
圣诞老人
多么希望你是存在的。
我想要的东西太多
多么想，把它们写下，寄给你
然后挂上红袜子
等12月25日
说不定
红袜子里头
藏着圣诞老人你留下的字条
写着"贪心的孩子"
Written on 18/12/2008 @ 1:43 a.m.
Ipoh Trip
Thank Olivia and Zeron for driving us to Ipoh. And of course, thank Michelle for bring us around to enjoy food in Ipoh. It was a fun trip, well, although I hope I can stay a bit longer to hunt down the whole state, but I guess a day trip is quite sufficient because I'm "POK". Haha! Anyway, Ipoh people tell me there aren't many things in Ipoh. So, just let it be la. Now, I'm missing the smell of the salt chicken!! It does taste really really nice la! The chicken I bought back home, my sister already booked the whole thing! Regret, I should have buy one more for myself! But then, I'll complain myself being fat! Haha!
Like this photo, at the Perhentian.
"Nga Choi Kai"
Second cone!
A gong's reaction after drinking white coffee
Souvenirs!
Eating salt chicken.
Me & My prince charming
希望他们会一起
看到周慧敏和倪震分手的消息，心里愣了一下。20 年的感情，说完就完，未免有点太儿戏了吧？倪震偷吃、周慧敏原谅的消息占据了这整个星期的娱乐报头版，心中多多少少也有被他们牵动，被他们触动。
周倪红的时代，我还很小吧？对他们并不是很了解。认识周慧敏，因为她是玉女派掌门人；倪震，说真的，我是认识他的老爸"卫士理"。这霜周倪分手，突然跑出一大堆阴谋论。不明白啊，狗仔队当真是得空的如此吗？明明好好的一对情侣，非要搞到人家分手才行。人家如愿分手了，又有一大堆阴谋论的。那你们想要当事人怎么做才行？
回顾一下他们的感情世界，20 年实在不容易。多少的风风雨雨，多少的波折，才真够走到今天的局面。没错，男的偷吃，是不忠。可是，两个人的感情世界，外来的人又知多少？在受千夫所指的时候，女方还肯愿意挺这个男人。是真的盲目，还是这男的有过人之处，我们外人，又何得以知？眼见他们被大众逼得要分手，心里很难过。有情人不能够相厮到老，难免可惜。心中希望他们的缘分还没灭，希望他们能够再走在一起。为娱乐圈再带来喜事。
Written on 13/12/2008 @ 3:13 a.m.
爱是做出来的吗？
我开始不耐烦了，也开始不明白了。爱情，到底是一回什么的东西？相信很多爱情专家，甚至恋爱中的情侣，都会给一个很不一样的答案。爱情本来就应该快快乐乐的啊！互相伤害的恋情，留下来，为了什么？难道也真为了做个人家看？
我常说，爱情是两个人的事， 只有当事人才明白到底发生着什么事。可是今天，我质疑了这句话的真实性。第三者的爱情，还是两个人的事吗？无奈。为什么一些人总不会学习负责任？一脚踏两船的感觉，真得那么刺激吗？我会认为，发生这种事，会是双方爱得不够深。既然如此，那么为什么不要放手？我不明白。拖着别人，拖着自己，浪费时间，浪费精神，浪费生命。
如果说爱情是盲目的，这盲目是到了什么的程度？那个男人一直不停的伤害你，那么，如果还选择跟他一起，那你也一定要学会好好保护自己啊！每次只有挨打的份儿，难道你不会觉得痛吗？还是你早已麻木了这种痛楚？我真为你担心，不知道你还要陷得多深。可是，看到你每次谈起他快乐的样子，我能说什么吗？坏人，我是做不了啦！
今天你问我，是不是只会和爱的人有性行为。我的答案是“是”。我想，每一个人都希望和自己爱的人分享这个最神圣的秘密。然后。你再问我，一个女人和一个男人有了性行为后，代表什么？嗯，这个我答不出来。答案太多了。我不知道会是哪一个。可是，我觉得，很难从性爱里头作出爱情。如果哪个男人告诉你可能，我只会觉得，他贱！因为他只要你的身体 （虽然男人都是很视觉享受的生物）。所以，我会劝你别傻了！为这样一个男人，不值得！
相信自己的感觉，别让人再左右你了！理智一点！
Written on 8/12/2008 @ 3:23 a.m.
熬过了
辛苦的日子，终于过了。上天给我的考验，也跨过了。今后的日子，再多的困难，相信都能够一一渡过。人生，一直平凡无味，就未免太无趣了。
谢谢各位。感谢你们一直以来给我的支持。因为有你们，我才变得坚强。谢谢。
现在，我的把转移点放在温习功课上。考试要到了，担心……
Written on 30/11/2008 @ 1:23 a.m.
撑住，要撑住
还有不到36个小时就要交论文和演讲了。超紧张。觉得我还没有准备好呢！好象掉三漏四一样。没有信心。这样赶出来的东西，不知道见不见的人。我还没有做好。但我一定要撑下去。加油，我一定行的！撑住！再熬过这几个钟头，就会大功告成了。加油！要撑下去！
Written 27/11/2008 @ 8:23 p.m.
跌到谷底
今天哭了很多很多。好累。可是我不能够休息！不能！电脑坏了，论文没了，要重做了！我的心情想过山车一样，一下跌入谷底。本来还以为有一丝丝的希望，可以恢复中毒了的作业，但是，还是没了！我怪得了谁？怪自己的运气不好咯，在这一个重要的时间中毒！哎。心情超差的。
我没怨天，我没怨人。我知道，是自己当黑。我要努力，我一定要振作。我让好多人担心了。不好意思。怪我不够坚强，我撑不住。遇到这种事，我立刻乱了阵脚。无助。只会哭，一直哭。抱歉，我会努力。我不会让支持我的人失望。我要加油啦！
Written 26/11/2008 @ 11:12 p.m.
宝贝，加油！
终于轮到你开始忙了，哈哈！看你还敢每天“串”我嘛，自作自受了。呵呵！不过，你的老师也真是的，突然间一次过给那么多功课，想做死人么？可怜你啊，突然要受那么大的压力，你一定很累了。
我啊，真觉得自己糟糕啊。不能够帮你些什么的，有的也是帮你找一些功课上的资料，希望能够减轻一点的你负担咯。加油吧，宝贝！我相信你一定行的！我一定会支持你。让我们一起为未来奋斗吧！
我啊，真觉得自己糟糕啊。不能够帮你些什么的，有的也是帮你找一些功课上的资料，希望能够减轻一点的你负担咯。加油吧，宝贝！我相信你一定行的！我一定会支持你。让我们一起为未来奋斗吧！
Critical Analysis
Went to see Hera again today, and the outcome is, oh well, I don't have enough critical analysis. Erm, I've been wondering about this thing, I know I'm not good at it, and it's impossible for me to shoot straight up to have good critical thinking skill, but what can I do to improve?
I'm dying of my thesis, really really dying. Feel so stress whenever I look at it. But then, thesis is still something I need to get it done to finish my course. So? What am I doing lately? Reading journals, trying to critical analyze each and every of them. Yet, no matter how hard I crack my brain, how I read and re-read my journals again, the 'a-ha' moment still won't come to me. I still cannot think what Hera said as critical. Oh gosh!
When my father drove me to college today, I heard this in the radio: Human brain got trillion cells to learn new things everyday, million cells to think. I'm thinking this statement for myself.. Where is my potential to strike? All I need now is critical thinking.. How and where I should learn?!?
I'm dying of my thesis, really really dying. Feel so stress whenever I look at it. But then, thesis is still something I need to get it done to finish my course. So? What am I doing lately? Reading journals, trying to critical analyze each and every of them. Yet, no matter how hard I crack my brain, how I read and re-read my journals again, the 'a-ha' moment still won't come to me. I still cannot think what Hera said as critical. Oh gosh!
When my father drove me to college today, I heard this in the radio: Human brain got trillion cells to learn new things everyday, million cells to think. I'm thinking this statement for myself.. Where is my potential to strike? All I need now is critical thinking.. How and where I should learn?!?
Writing my thesis draft
After few days of struggle, finally I'm starting to write my thesis draft. Looking at the marking scheme again, I feel I've the need to get it done early, send to Hera, let her check and get her comments for it. I've no confident. Totally no confident that I can do well. I heard Hera is tough, I heard Hera failed students, I heard the best that she gave is only a B-. So... Yea.. I don't think I can go any further..
I proposed November 6 for my 1st draft, and obviously it has failed. Proposed again on November 20, hopefully I managed to get it done by that time.. and send her the 1st draft, get comment, edit again. And hopefully, I don't fail her, and fail myself. *pray*
Going back to write my thesis.. must work hard on it..
I proposed November 6 for my 1st draft, and obviously it has failed. Proposed again on November 20, hopefully I managed to get it done by that time.. and send her the 1st draft, get comment, edit again. And hopefully, I don't fail her, and fail myself. *pray*
Going back to write my thesis.. must work hard on it..
Depressed... Get off me before I kill
Feel just like killing anyone that pissed me off. I'm not in a good mood. Things are all going very bad suddenly. What the hell? What have I done wrong to deserve this? Just one night and all my efforts and hard works are wasted? You must be kidding me right?!?
My forensic assignment, weeks of weeks we spent into it to create a so-called "good case" but.. It has to be disqualified even before the "serial killer game" started... what more? in result of that, it's a deduction of 2% for every group member! Imagine that! Suddenly I ask myself why I want to work so hard at the beginning!!! Suddenly I ask myself why I want to work so hard to gain extra credit for this course!!! THE END RESULT IS EVERYTHING IS DEDUCTED!! ....like these are things we want... like we purposely be careless to disqualify ourselves from the game... Come on Man! As much as I want, I want to participate, and I want my case to be unsolved.. DAMN!
Then, my thesis. 1 month before the submission date only I realized I don't know how to analyze my data? How fun could it be? Suddenly the whole research seems to be SO WRONG! Yet, when as usual I went to see my supervisor.. She did not comment on it. So, how the hell it supposed to be wrong? Which SPSS test should I dump in to run my data? I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! I even got confused on my own research! What am I measuring? It seems a total rubbish and failure! How do I continue? DAMN!
And my IO psychology? Supposed the due date is 5 pm later in the afternoon, but I still haven't get a complete copy of the report. I don't want to bug anymore and not at all feel anxious on it already. I'm into deep depression.
Don't feel like doing anything or talk on anything anymore. Plainly useless and can't get rid of my bad mood.. And mind me, I'll get frustrated easily in such time.. (plus long week) and.. I do will bite if anyone pissed me...
My forensic assignment, weeks of weeks we spent into it to create a so-called "good case" but.. It has to be disqualified even before the "serial killer game" started... what more? in result of that, it's a deduction of 2% for every group member! Imagine that! Suddenly I ask myself why I want to work so hard at the beginning!!! Suddenly I ask myself why I want to work so hard to gain extra credit for this course!!! THE END RESULT IS EVERYTHING IS DEDUCTED!! ....like these are things we want... like we purposely be careless to disqualify ourselves from the game... Come on Man! As much as I want, I want to participate, and I want my case to be unsolved.. DAMN!
Then, my thesis. 1 month before the submission date only I realized I don't know how to analyze my data? How fun could it be? Suddenly the whole research seems to be SO WRONG! Yet, when as usual I went to see my supervisor.. She did not comment on it. So, how the hell it supposed to be wrong? Which SPSS test should I dump in to run my data? I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! I even got confused on my own research! What am I measuring? It seems a total rubbish and failure! How do I continue? DAMN!
And my IO psychology? Supposed the due date is 5 pm later in the afternoon, but I still haven't get a complete copy of the report. I don't want to bug anymore and not at all feel anxious on it already. I'm into deep depression.
Don't feel like doing anything or talk on anything anymore. Plainly useless and can't get rid of my bad mood.. And mind me, I'll get frustrated easily in such time.. (plus long week) and.. I do will bite if anyone pissed me...
我受够了！！
我认真考虑过我们之间的问题。人家觉得我闹着玩，我说我不是。我是真得讨厌你了。彻彻底底地讨厌！我讨厌你的程度，已经到达我想刹死你的地步。我讨厌自己心软，一次又一次原谅了你。可是，今天，我再也不能够忍受了。
说过了很多次，生气了很多次，哭了很多次，可是，同样的一个情况，还是一次又一次的发生！为什么？是我说得不够明白？还是你没把我的话听进去？我问我自己，我是不是一个白疵，我也问自己，你是不是一块木头。怎么到了今时今日的地步，你还是不会看我的脸色，你还是不懂得我几时火气，你还是不会避开地雷？
几天前你说的话，原来是骗人的呀？你还果真当我是三岁的小孩，骗了一次又一次！你觉得，我是跟你闹着玩的吗？我是很认真看清，我不能够依靠你。我说过不知多少遍，你的年纪不小了，该为自己计划一下。你有听进去吗？喜欢喜欢，还是跟我闹着玩。不定性，冲动，你还真以为，你能够读一辈子的书，不用到你出去社会赚钱的时候？说我自私也罢，不过，我真不想以后拖三带小的时候，还要像照顾小孩一样照顾小孩的“小孩”爸！很累人的！我自问我没有这样伟大！
你是你妈妈的儿子，可是你不是我的儿子，我也不是你的妈妈。这句话，我说过不知道上万遍了。可是，为什么我还是需要一步一步牵着你走？爱情，不是这样的！我不要做你的妈妈！我一直没有向别人说，因为你要我相信你。而我相信你的结果是什么？你难道还不明白吗？你是真钝还是假呆？我累的时候，没有肩膀可以靠；我交代的事，不能够期望你会做好......这样的感情，悲不悲？
我求你放过我。因为我真得真得不喜欢！不喜欢！我不喜欢每次必须装着强硬的一面，去面对和解决一切的问题。我不喜欢每次要被你推着站在前头。我不喜欢，不喜欢！有时，我也像做小女人！！
说过了很多次，生气了很多次，哭了很多次，可是，同样的一个情况，还是一次又一次的发生！为什么？是我说得不够明白？还是你没把我的话听进去？我问我自己，我是不是一个白疵，我也问自己，你是不是一块木头。怎么到了今时今日的地步，你还是不会看我的脸色，你还是不懂得我几时火气，你还是不会避开地雷？
几天前你说的话，原来是骗人的呀？你还果真当我是三岁的小孩，骗了一次又一次！你觉得，我是跟你闹着玩的吗？我是很认真看清，我不能够依靠你。我说过不知多少遍，你的年纪不小了，该为自己计划一下。你有听进去吗？喜欢喜欢，还是跟我闹着玩。不定性，冲动，你还真以为，你能够读一辈子的书，不用到你出去社会赚钱的时候？说我自私也罢，不过，我真不想以后拖三带小的时候，还要像照顾小孩一样照顾小孩的“小孩”爸！很累人的！我自问我没有这样伟大！
你是你妈妈的儿子，可是你不是我的儿子，我也不是你的妈妈。这句话，我说过不知道上万遍了。可是，为什么我还是需要一步一步牵着你走？爱情，不是这样的！我不要做你的妈妈！我一直没有向别人说，因为你要我相信你。而我相信你的结果是什么？你难道还不明白吗？你是真钝还是假呆？我累的时候，没有肩膀可以靠；我交代的事，不能够期望你会做好......这样的感情，悲不悲？
我求你放过我。因为我真得真得不喜欢！不喜欢！我不喜欢每次必须装着强硬的一面，去面对和解决一切的问题。我不喜欢每次要被你推着站在前头。我不喜欢，不喜欢！有时，我也像做小女人！！
我想哭！
有想哭的感觉，可是泪在心头，就是流不出。我好讨厌自己，我就是好讨厌自己。讨厌自己白痴，讨厌自己依赖。
花了很长的时间，才让自己明白，原来我什么都不想要。从一开始，我说很多很多；到今天，我不再想说了。
可能，一开始，就是错的。正如你曾经说过，我是你错误的选择。（对，你说你是开玩笑的；可是，你不知道我在意）很多很多时候，你说你是无心，只是我不知道，你的无心是否有意。我开始心淡了，淡的连一细细的感觉，也快要没有了。我不想强求了。如果非要勉强在一起，那又何必？
机会，我给过很多很多。可是，机会是给懂得珍惜的人。你一而再，再而三令我很失望。你让我如何去说服自己去给你多一次机会？不明白我的人，不懂得我脾气的人，方向不一样的人，要怎么继续？
又是一个人了...... 我要加油哦！
花了很长的时间，才让自己明白，原来我什么都不想要。从一开始，我说很多很多；到今天，我不再想说了。
可能，一开始，就是错的。正如你曾经说过，我是你错误的选择。（对，你说你是开玩笑的；可是，你不知道我在意）很多很多时候，你说你是无心，只是我不知道，你的无心是否有意。我开始心淡了，淡的连一细细的感觉，也快要没有了。我不想强求了。如果非要勉强在一起，那又何必？
机会，我给过很多很多。可是，机会是给懂得珍惜的人。你一而再，再而三令我很失望。你让我如何去说服自己去给你多一次机会？不明白我的人，不懂得我脾气的人，方向不一样的人，要怎么继续？
又是一个人了...... 我要加油哦！
Got permission! Finally is here!!
Yahoooo!! Got the permission to use all the questionnaires I intended to. Finally. Was worrying for long time, and now, all of them are here. Well, there are still issues pending, but at least now I got the permission, I can submit to ERB first. Thank God, glad you're with me.
Pending Issues:
NO 1 in list: Researcher A did not attach me her questionnaire and scoring guide (but she gave me the permission to use)
NO 2 in list: Researcher B told me to copy and paste the questionnaire for the article (he also gave me the permission to copy and paste)
NO 3 in list: Need to revise Researcher C questionnaire. So far, Researcher C did not comment.
But then again, at least I got their permission!! Yahoo.. now get back to ERB.....
Pending Issues:
NO 1 in list: Researcher A did not attach me her questionnaire and scoring guide (but she gave me the permission to use)
NO 2 in list: Researcher B told me to copy and paste the questionnaire for the article (he also gave me the permission to copy and paste)
NO 3 in list: Need to revise Researcher C questionnaire. So far, Researcher C did not comment.
But then again, at least I got their permission!! Yahoo.. now get back to ERB.....
今天心情怪怪的！
怎么说呢？今天有点累，有点开心，有点不开心，有点闷闷的，有点快要死掉的感觉，然后，现在有点饿！！
话说，今天从早10点就一直在开会。开到了3点，然后就去上课。累啊，我差点就要在Winnee的班睡着了！可恶的阿公，还一直在我旁边打瞌睡，影响我！节目排到上课后，我们就去看Joanna男友制作的电影。肚子饿啦，我可是整天只喝了半杯美禄 （另外一半进了阿公的肚子）。一副没力的感觉，超累的！
还好，电影很震动人心，没有白去。可是，也真糟糕！想到自己啊。今天犯了不少的错。记错东西啦，没有做东西啦，等等的。我就觉得自己很白痴一下啊。住在PJ都有20年了，认路技术还是属于IQ零蛋。我还是想不通啊，明明Joanna的教堂里我家才那2个花园。为什么我不会路呢？还带人家走了不少冤枉路，怎么说，都是我不好啊！为什么？为什么？真觉得是自己的不好，让大家不开心。我真得觉得很没用！
回到家，我就倒在床上睡着了，超累的。起来的时候，是1点了。哎呀，我还有很多东西还没有做完啊！肚子又打鼓了！刚才吃了2蝶四个人分享的晚餐。但是哦，家里没有东西可以吃了啦！现在连牛奶都出问题，我真没饭好吃啊！但是，这一切都不是问题。问题是，我要怎么完成我的事？
我需要做的事：
1。 明天10点到公司做工 （阿公的反应是：又答应人家？你不累啊？）
2。我的Thesis啊！！要继续写报告！
3。302的Intro啊！！怎么还没有打完？302的问卷，去哪里找人？
4。311的问答题啊！！怎么还没做好？
5。308罪犯的报告！！剩一点点了
6。精辩啊！!1份报告，1份邀请函！
抓头抓头！看来努力一点比较好。
话说，今天从早10点就一直在开会。开到了3点，然后就去上课。累啊，我差点就要在Winnee的班睡着了！可恶的阿公，还一直在我旁边打瞌睡，影响我！节目排到上课后，我们就去看Joanna男友制作的电影。肚子饿啦，我可是整天只喝了半杯美禄 （另外一半进了阿公的肚子）。一副没力的感觉，超累的！
还好，电影很震动人心，没有白去。可是，也真糟糕！想到自己啊。今天犯了不少的错。记错东西啦，没有做东西啦，等等的。我就觉得自己很白痴一下啊。住在PJ都有20年了，认路技术还是属于IQ零蛋。我还是想不通啊，明明Joanna的教堂里我家才那2个花园。为什么我不会路呢？还带人家走了不少冤枉路，怎么说，都是我不好啊！为什么？为什么？真觉得是自己的不好，让大家不开心。我真得觉得很没用！
回到家，我就倒在床上睡着了，超累的。起来的时候，是1点了。哎呀，我还有很多东西还没有做完啊！肚子又打鼓了！刚才吃了2蝶四个人分享的晚餐。但是哦，家里没有东西可以吃了啦！现在连牛奶都出问题，我真没饭好吃啊！但是，这一切都不是问题。问题是，我要怎么完成我的事？
我需要做的事：
1。 明天10点到公司做工 （阿公的反应是：又答应人家？你不累啊？）
2。我的Thesis啊！！要继续写报告！
3。302的Intro啊！！怎么还没有打完？302的问卷，去哪里找人？
4。311的问答题啊！！怎么还没做好？
5。308罪犯的报告！！剩一点点了
6。精辩啊！!1份报告，1份邀请函！
抓头抓头！看来努力一点比较好。
Hera praises me!
I was excited! I didn't expect to get anything in return (besides the grade and knowledge) from my thesis. When I took this topic (body image), I already know that Hera is tough. I heard from seniors and peers, Hera got high standards, she requires her "children" to prepare a lot. She has criteria that she wants you to follow, she's the hardest supervisor because she's too good in this field! I never and ever dream that I can meet her standard. I cannot imagine I can satisfy her on all the works. But today, before I walked out to the room, she actually praised me! I cannot describe my happiness! All the sudden, it seems like all the late nights works, all the journals digging, all the brainstorming and cracking out idea, ARE WORTH!
Everytime before I went into her room for thesis meeting, I'll sort of having anxiety attack. Even though I prepared, but still, I feel I'm unprepared. Re-read all my notes, even to the extent of stomach ache. But then, it doesn't really freaky in her room! It's just, I don't have the confident. I don't think I've prepare enough stuffs for her. I found that, questions she asked me, are really DEEP. They made me think a lot, and of course, she's not giving me the answer. I guess, that's why I got so freaked out everytime before I went to see her. I'm worry she'll question me something that I cannot answer. Good duh, so far so good. I'm starting to see the way she's coming, and sort of, manage to provide she something that she understands I'm thinking.
So, today I went to see her, proposed my topic to her again (she told me to edit my last paper, but she likes my topic anyway so I just need to rephrase everything), gave her the theories that I used, told her on my justification and my research methods. I showed her the questionnaires that I found, and she was like "oh, you got it". Yeah, it's something I did extra for her, but I thought she should want to see so I prepared. Guess that was something that impressed her first. Then, we continue discussing. She told me that she's fine and okay with everything I done. Sounds like she's chasing me out the room already (Cause she delayed my meeting, and my meeting affected another person's appointment with her), but I pulled out a paper, then her to wait cause I still got questions. Then she was, "wow, there are a lot questions inside your paper". LoL.
Done, and I'm packing to leave her room. Before I walked out, she praised me!! She said: "I'm satisfy with your works and you're in good progress!" Wow, BINGO! I was so happy that I wanted to jump and dance around in the admin room of level 8. Haha! I guess I'm easily satisfy! Anyway, I'm giving myself a break today. But hor.. I think I need to work extra hard after my break because seems like she having high expectation on me too! LoL!
Everytime before I went into her room for thesis meeting, I'll sort of having anxiety attack. Even though I prepared, but still, I feel I'm unprepared. Re-read all my notes, even to the extent of stomach ache. But then, it doesn't really freaky in her room! It's just, I don't have the confident. I don't think I've prepare enough stuffs for her. I found that, questions she asked me, are really DEEP. They made me think a lot, and of course, she's not giving me the answer. I guess, that's why I got so freaked out everytime before I went to see her. I'm worry she'll question me something that I cannot answer. Good duh, so far so good. I'm starting to see the way she's coming, and sort of, manage to provide she something that she understands I'm thinking.
So, today I went to see her, proposed my topic to her again (she told me to edit my last paper, but she likes my topic anyway so I just need to rephrase everything), gave her the theories that I used, told her on my justification and my research methods. I showed her the questionnaires that I found, and she was like "oh, you got it". Yeah, it's something I did extra for her, but I thought she should want to see so I prepared. Guess that was something that impressed her first. Then, we continue discussing. She told me that she's fine and okay with everything I done. Sounds like she's chasing me out the room already (Cause she delayed my meeting, and my meeting affected another person's appointment with her), but I pulled out a paper, then her to wait cause I still got questions. Then she was, "wow, there are a lot questions inside your paper". LoL.
Done, and I'm packing to leave her room. Before I walked out, she praised me!! She said: "I'm satisfy with your works and you're in good progress!" Wow, BINGO! I was so happy that I wanted to jump and dance around in the admin room of level 8. Haha! I guess I'm easily satisfy! Anyway, I'm giving myself a break today. But hor.. I think I need to work extra hard after my break because seems like she having high expectation on me too! LoL!
Wish the best for my friend
To my friend, Olivia:
Time flies, and before you realize, we knew each other for 3 years. Ever since I knew you, you have been telling me about this guy in your heart. How you both met, how he made you mad, how you both quarrel, how he apologize after that, how you and his family interact, how he buys things for you. And I know, this guy is an important person in your life.
Few days ago, you asked me. You asked me is graduated student behave differently from us? You asked me, why don't you feel the love that he had for you anymore? You asked, why are you feeling he's hiding things away from you? I said, I don't know. The most probably reason is that he's busy working and he wants privacy. So, you accept the reason, and I thought the story ended. Then yesterday, you told me, you're not worth for his love. You feel you're useless, and feel you're a burden to him. You told me, you want to break up with him, and he told you he loves money more than he loves you. But no action, and again, I thought the story ended.
Today, when I received your sms, I was terribly shocked. This time, you told me that he said he doesn't have feeling in you anymore. He rather focus on his work so he wants to break up with you. BUT, IF YOU CHANGE your temper, he said he'll be accepting you again. I went online and found you. You told me you have been crying and not eating since then. You asked me why he behave so, and is he just telling you to make you feel better? Again, I said I don't know. I don't know what's going on in a guy's mind, but my concern, is I want you to be happy, and eat.
So, I don't want to tell you how sorry I feel for you. I don't want to have counseling session with you, I don't even want to comfort you because many people would have done so to you and you'll feel you're weak. Instead, depression will hurt your health, and if you're going to continue not eating, then you won't have the second chance to be with him again. So, I found you these few suggestions.
1. Execrise. Simple activities like jogging and swimming will help.
2. Go under the SUN. Don't hide in your little space at home, go see the Sunlight and feel the weather.
3. Eat banana. Interestingly, there's a fibre in banana that help stimulate the brain to minimize negative emotions.
4. Cry. If you feel to cry, please by all means CRY. Let out all your negative feelings.
5. Sleep. Get enough rest and sleep well.
6. Music. Calm music cool your heart and take you to peace.
Now, this might be the darkness moment in your heart. But when you walk out, you'll see light.
Change your focus, learn to let go. Give him a chance, and give yourself a chance to "reborn". Sometimes, we need to experience traumatic pain to grow up. The pain will be so painful that our heart is cracking into pieces. But, that's the process of growing up, as after thunderstorm, there'll be rainbow.
Let those memories, bury into your heart. Gal, we're here to support you!
Pray the best for him, do the best for yourself. Be tough oh!
Wish the best for you..
Love you,
Kate
Time flies, and before you realize, we knew each other for 3 years. Ever since I knew you, you have been telling me about this guy in your heart. How you both met, how he made you mad, how you both quarrel, how he apologize after that, how you and his family interact, how he buys things for you. And I know, this guy is an important person in your life.
Few days ago, you asked me. You asked me is graduated student behave differently from us? You asked me, why don't you feel the love that he had for you anymore? You asked, why are you feeling he's hiding things away from you? I said, I don't know. The most probably reason is that he's busy working and he wants privacy. So, you accept the reason, and I thought the story ended. Then yesterday, you told me, you're not worth for his love. You feel you're useless, and feel you're a burden to him. You told me, you want to break up with him, and he told you he loves money more than he loves you. But no action, and again, I thought the story ended.
Today, when I received your sms, I was terribly shocked. This time, you told me that he said he doesn't have feeling in you anymore. He rather focus on his work so he wants to break up with you. BUT, IF YOU CHANGE your temper, he said he'll be accepting you again. I went online and found you. You told me you have been crying and not eating since then. You asked me why he behave so, and is he just telling you to make you feel better? Again, I said I don't know. I don't know what's going on in a guy's mind, but my concern, is I want you to be happy, and eat.
So, I don't want to tell you how sorry I feel for you. I don't want to have counseling session with you, I don't even want to comfort you because many people would have done so to you and you'll feel you're weak. Instead, depression will hurt your health, and if you're going to continue not eating, then you won't have the second chance to be with him again. So, I found you these few suggestions.
1. Execrise. Simple activities like jogging and swimming will help.
2. Go under the SUN. Don't hide in your little space at home, go see the Sunlight and feel the weather.
3. Eat banana. Interestingly, there's a fibre in banana that help stimulate the brain to minimize negative emotions.
4. Cry. If you feel to cry, please by all means CRY. Let out all your negative feelings.
5. Sleep. Get enough rest and sleep well.
6. Music. Calm music cool your heart and take you to peace.
Now, this might be the darkness moment in your heart. But when you walk out, you'll see light.
Change your focus, learn to let go. Give him a chance, and give yourself a chance to "reborn". Sometimes, we need to experience traumatic pain to grow up. The pain will be so painful that our heart is cracking into pieces. But, that's the process of growing up, as after thunderstorm, there'll be rainbow.
Let those memories, bury into your heart. Gal, we're here to support you!
Pray the best for him, do the best for yourself. Be tough oh!
Wish the best for you..
Love you,
Kate
我不满意我的成绩！
ＩＯ成绩出了，我才刚刚及格！超不满意的！怎么了？我是太久没有上课了，所以跟不上吗？怎么成绩那么的差？后悔呢，我怎么不好好地读书？可能如果我有好好的温习，有好好的听课 （超闷的），我的成绩可能会好一些。
我算过啦，ＩＯ我若还想得到Ａ－的话，离谱咯，我的个人作业需要拿满分，团队报告要拿满分，期末考只能错２％，那么，我才有所谓的一点点的机会。自此其果吧？再不满意，都要继续再努力。总不能拿自己的成绩来开玩笑啊。
现在担心ＰＲＯＦＩＬＩＮＧ了。ＩＯ都考得如此差，哪个我说不会做的考试，岂不会更糟糕吗？真觉得自己真得不够努力，期中考都不能好好地考好成绩。太差了吧？
加油吧！我看我只能够继续努力！
我算过啦，ＩＯ我若还想得到Ａ－的话，离谱咯，我的个人作业需要拿满分，团队报告要拿满分，期末考只能错２％，那么，我才有所谓的一点点的机会。自此其果吧？再不满意，都要继续再努力。总不能拿自己的成绩来开玩笑啊。
现在担心ＰＲＯＦＩＬＩＮＧ了。ＩＯ都考得如此差，哪个我说不会做的考试，岂不会更糟糕吗？真觉得自己真得不够努力，期中考都不能好好地考好成绩。太差了吧？
加油吧！我看我只能够继续努力！
今天考试不会做！
明明读了书，明明作了复习题，可是，今天考试还是一片空白。我复习出来的分数不赖的嘛，105题里头有77分。可是，今天的80题，我看要拿半数的分数都很难。不明白啊，我明明有读书的！怎么会还是不会做呢？真得很担心自己会不及格呢！*呜呜*
桃花依旧
今天我经过block E， 感觉真不如从前，一时间感触良多。今天的block E， 已经今非昔比，连我们的department都已经搬了。现在，它是A levels的天地。如今，去到block E，感觉真不如从前。Block E不再热闹了，冷清清的，好不寂寞。我想起了好多好多。原来，我在HELP已经有3年的时间了。
记得我刚进来的第一年，我都不用华文。英文烂，但我还是天天说烂英语。记得那年，我还没有走出失恋的创伤，所以我一直都苦兮兮的模样。Olivia，应该是我在BPSYCH里认识的第一个朋友吧？然后，是Wayne哥哥。和他在一起，非常搞笑。他应该是我认识的一个人烟客。我天天和他说，叫他戒烟，他天天就唱“没有烟抽的日子”给我听。呵呵！
峥嵘，是我过后认识的。和他感情好，但那个衰仔只会天天叫我陪他翘课、陪他吃Secret。名副其实的猪朋狗友啊！然后，认识你。那时，应该是第1年的第2个学期的Abnormal Psych。你是峥嵘的朋友，Olivia的同学，自然我们就混熟了。和你谈了很久，才知道你的名字，原来，你叫李兴权。之后，我在BPSYCH的日子里，就少不了你的名字。
3 年了，很多人，很多事都改变了。记得，当初我义无反顾拿下心理学，是因为我说，我想了解人是什么一回事，人是什么东西。今天，我还是不了解。当我低头饮吸我的美禄时，我在想，3年里的我，究竟改变了几多，了解人了几多？明天的我，又会是怎样？以前，Wayne哥哥常带我去的HP Cafe，现在都应经拆了。而峥嵘，也都转去IT读了。你，也快要出国了。
等一下，就要考试了！印象中，我还是第一次去考Psych paper，没有你伴着。感觉挺怪的！看来，我还是非常依赖。呵呵！我会加油的！
Written 15/10/2008 @ 11:51 a.m.
记得我刚进来的第一年，我都不用华文。英文烂，但我还是天天说烂英语。记得那年，我还没有走出失恋的创伤，所以我一直都苦兮兮的模样。Olivia，应该是我在BPSYCH里认识的第一个朋友吧？然后，是Wayne哥哥。和他在一起，非常搞笑。他应该是我认识的一个人烟客。我天天和他说，叫他戒烟，他天天就唱“没有烟抽的日子”给我听。呵呵！
峥嵘，是我过后认识的。和他感情好，但那个衰仔只会天天叫我陪他翘课、陪他吃Secret。名副其实的猪朋狗友啊！然后，认识你。那时，应该是第1年的第2个学期的Abnormal Psych。你是峥嵘的朋友，Olivia的同学，自然我们就混熟了。和你谈了很久，才知道你的名字，原来，你叫李兴权。之后，我在BPSYCH的日子里，就少不了你的名字。
3 年了，很多人，很多事都改变了。记得，当初我义无反顾拿下心理学，是因为我说，我想了解人是什么一回事，人是什么东西。今天，我还是不了解。当我低头饮吸我的美禄时，我在想，3年里的我，究竟改变了几多，了解人了几多？明天的我，又会是怎样？以前，Wayne哥哥常带我去的HP Cafe，现在都应经拆了。而峥嵘，也都转去IT读了。你，也快要出国了。
等一下，就要考试了！印象中，我还是第一次去考Psych paper，没有你伴着。感觉挺怪的！看来，我还是非常依赖。呵呵！我会加油的！
Written 15/10/2008 @ 11:51 a.m.
Blog hop!
Supposed, I should be studying, reading and revising my materials for mid term. Obviously I am not, so this post is on my blog. I am in third year, and it has been 6 weeks in class.. But the sad truth is I still don't know what materials I should revise. It's going to sound weird as it going to be. It seems like my mind did not record anything in this 6 weeks time. I have no interested in assessment and profiling (maybe a bit of curiosity la), I don't like IO, and so, the only subject I am looking forward is forensic psychology. Aha, and I thought I know what the lecturers were saying during class, but when I looked at the notes, I was like: "Oh gosh, why things are not so familiar?" I set a goal for myself earlier before I went back to study, I told myself I need to get good results in third year in order to "save" my honour in the degree.. Yet, in the end, ah, I am still dreaming……
So well, I went online and do some clicking from blog to blog. It has been long time since I last blog hop. Usually, I am invisible. Well, today just don't have the mood to study! Textbooks are so boring, and they're in BLACK N WHITE! My attention can't even stay for a few minutes! So yea, I was hopping..
I went to Chan Theng's blog, went to Yee Liang's blog, went to Jien's blog, went to Lian's blog, went to Peh Fung's blog, went to Olivia's blog, went to Chen's blog, went to Sze Yii's blog, went to Rex's blog, went to How How's blog… so, this is my circle of friends.. Looking through their posts, it's like walking the days with them. Memories come and remind me of the time that we been together. And before I know, I'm actually smiling to myself. I remembered yesterday when I chatted with Chan Theng, he has been freaked out of my insanity as I'm telling him I'm "killing" people in my forensic assignment (which actually I'm telling the truth). I remembered Yee Liang, and of course his voice. Your voice is so warm that it touches deeply into my heart and nothing can replace you as my daddy.
My HELP friends, I have been attached to you all for these 3 years. And guess what, I just suddenly realized times have flied so fast! People do say that friends in undergraduate will be friends forever, and I do hope our friendship will be. I'm truthfully glad that I know each one of you. You all have brought great and wonderful memories to my life. And yea, come to think of it, Sze Yii, did you realize we have knew each other for 2 years +? Well, LLS!! I remembered that was the first project we did together! And then, we went xia xiang together! I have always like your smile, and like you being your size, and like you being with Yao Yang; cause everything seems to fit your style, and makes you looks sweeter. And Olivia, I don't remembered how I know you already, but I do remember we took Research Methods together and since then, we're always together. =) Chen, I guess I want to label you as "my most worried" friend in HELP. But looking at your new blog, I guess I don't need to worry you anymore. Like I always said, I'm hoping one day you'll surprise me by calling me, I'm looking forward for that day to come. And yea, don't silently leave to Australia without noticing me ok??
Jien, Lian & Rex (and HOW HOW), also known as the LRT. Hehe. I don't know how to go to one blog, without thinking of the other. Perhaps, I got my mind set that you all and 3 in 1. Jien, I miss you so much! Looking at ALL your photos, videos and posts, I can only say I'm so impressed on your speed to keep us update. It's so fast that when I got time to look at it, they are already outdated! Haha. I miss your little baby too; I saw you commented on his photo, he does look cute! Lian and Rex, it has been some times since we last gone out together. Everyone seems so busy with their works. No more pasar malam, no more late night movie… I don't see you all often already (our timetable and class venue sucks!).. Seems like our connection a bit loose.. haha.. Anyhow, we're going to have SHOGUN together right?? Perhaps, that's the time we tie the knot harder! ^^ And Peh Fung, where have you been? I know you been busy with you studies, and society issues as well, Gambateh ya! Please don't burn out yourself. =)
And so I realized, I actually love these people… =)
P/S: Yin, KaiYi, Giap & Yang, Love you too! Miss you all, drop me msg kay? *hugz*
P/S 2: Zeron don't envy!! I miss you too but I don't love you! =P
当我们一起17个月
看到你收到礼物很开心，我也很开心。知道你有感动，我知道我熬夜是值得的。其实，我觉得自己很笨的。因为，学了很久的Photoshop，一直都没有学会。很想很精心弄一幅很美丽的照片给我们，却一直没有成功。还好，你喜欢。让我有了少少的安慰。
太多的话，已经写在我送给你的短片里头。还是很纳闷，为什么给你的短片版本，是没有歌的！！
太多的话，已经写在我送给你的短片里头。还是很纳闷，为什么给你的短片版本，是没有歌的！！
Written on 12/10/2008 @ 1:12 a.m.
I got my thesis topic APPROVED!!
I'm so excited today! At least to some extends la. Excited on one hand, but the other hand I foresee the pathway for this sem will be getting harder. Hah, what you know? Hera approved my thesis topic! And well, she was pleased that I did something different from the norm. *I am thinking whether this is a good scenario* I can see, she is delighted, but then, I am thinking: uh huh, she's having high expectation on me! Yea, it is kinda true. When I told her my idea, she quickly drew a mind map of the whole thing on my paper.. and yeah, she encouraged me to read more journals =.=
Good sign? I heard from some friends and seniors that it's not easy to have thesis topic approved. But well, I got mine pass in one shot. I'm a bit amazed honestly! I was thinking yesterday night that I did not prepare enough material for me to go see her this afternoon, and yet, when I presented, I just passed! I was shocked myself as well. But then, I'm starting to feel the stress coming. Hera wants me to develop my OWN questionnaire! T_T oh well, to be fair, she didn't say she WANTS la. She just said, "it'll be good to have a questionnaire in Malaysia context, and it's not hard since you're taking profiling with me". In other words, I BETTER GO DEVELOP A QUESTIONNAIRE!
But well, at least for now, I got my topic approved!
Written on 9/10/2008 @ 11:23 p.m.
朋友一生一起走
深夜里，我写不出应该要交的功课。脑里一片空白，不知道要怎么下笔。然后，我的音乐箱响起张学友的歌：祝福和吻别。突然，想念着一班出国了的朋友
想念紫郡
想念Vivian
想念倩文
想念巧彤
想念ernest
想念arnold
想念小纹
想念giap
想念亿良爹爹
想念庭
想念恺毅 （我在想如果我写错了你的名字，你会不会宰了我）
想念很多很多的。想念太多太多的。原来，在我的回忆里，你们都没有离开过。今夜，真得很想念你们！
Written on 6/10/2008 @ 4:12 a.m.
再见到的你…
今早起床，就觉得自己病病的。开始要感冒的感觉，人有点不舒服。硬着起床、硬着去上课，等的就是可能见到Hera的机会。Thesis 太难搞了，我想快快把它搞完。今天去学校的决定，是对还是错？命中注定，我再怎么逃，也躲不过今天吧？
终于，今天再见到你。断断续续，从很多人的口中知道你的消息，知道你的近况，今天看来，你果然过得还不错。我是该欣慰吗？可是，我却没有！远方听到有人叫你的名字，我的脚步立刻停了，整个人震了。没想到，真得没想到，今天，你也会出现在那儿。偶然？还是注定？远远看着你，我不敢走过去。我告诉阿公，我没有心理准备面对你，我不知道要说什么。在我心中，潜伏已久的情绪，慢慢涌上。我自己搞不清楚现在是什么情况。我做错了事吗？我对不起你了吗？为什么变成我需要躲你？为什么我没有勇气走到你的面前？说到底，是有些现实，我还没有勇气接受。
其实，有些东西，我是懂得。只是，我不说，我不听，装聋扮瞎。我想拖到一时就一时，我想让自己高兴多一阵子，高兴我还有一个"儿子"。可是，我是知道。你有上网，我知道；你有玩Facebook，我知道；你在学校矿着，我也知道。只是，我知道了又怎样？对我又有什么好处？我的心，只会越来越伤；而，累积在我心中的忧郁，只会有添加一宗。我会问自己，你真得放下了所有吗？连我，你也放下了？你也不在乎了？在你的心中，已经没有了我这个朋友吗？
我以为自己行的，以为这几天没事，代表我放下了。当我很平静告诉别人，我已经有一个月和你失去联络的时候，我以为我已经学习承受。可是，原来我还是不行。当别人提起你的名字时，我的心还是会有一根刺，深深刺入我的心框。我觉得很刺耳，我不想再听下去，因为我知道，听下去，除了让很多很多人用很吃惊的表情，发现我和你失联许久之外，更甚的，我会发现我们已经走远。陌路人，一个我一直很害怕会用在我们身上的词，真的发生了吗？
刚才，进场之前，我躲在角落，已经想好了100句要对你说的话，做的事。我要问你，最近过得好吗？我要问你，是不是忘了我？我要对你笑，要笑着对你说我过得好。可惜，我却没有机会。我知道，你也看见了我。可是，你装着没有看到吧？最普通的朋友，见到面，都会打一个招呼，点一个头，笑一个啊！那我们是什么？我们算是什么？我最害怕的事情，终于也发生了；最不想面对的事，也逼着要承认。记得我说过吗？如果有一天，我见到了你，而你，还是对我不理不睬的话，我会崩溃。本来很近的两个人，变得很远，甚至比以前更远…..
看着你离开，看着你走离我得排座，一句话也没留下，你知道吗，我的心是很痛很痛……
说好了不哭，结果我还是偷偷的掉泪了。觉得自己很没用。我为什么还要不开心？我到底该怎么做？我一直逃避不愿看到的情况，都已经发生了…..
为什么会是今天？当我挺着不舒服的身体，为什么还要让我承受失去的一切？头又开始烧了，觉得这次自己会病得很重…..
Talk to me, Speak with me
无意中听到这首歌；这首是《家好月圆》最近热播中的插曲。听到了，突然很有"feel"。柔柔的歌声、动听的旋律，带出的是一丝丝的伤感。突然，眼泪就要掉下来了。我想到的，是我好久不见的阿莲。这首歌，仿佛是为你写的吧？歌中道尽你的无奈和辛酸，让我听了，心也忍不住难过起来。
莲，我想把这首歌送给你。我想说，我能够感觉到你的伤心。一直没有找你，除了电话没钱了之外，也因为我不懂得要用什么的立场去面对你。莲，我不伟大，我没你口中说得那么好。我是自私的，我自私希望你们会在一起到老。你生气他时，我替他说好话；他对你无从着手时，我给他鼓励。每次你累了，我都说服你用另一个方式面对他，说了很多小故事让你开窍。可是，今天，我知道，我不够再自私。我也是女人，我知道，最悲哀的一种分手，不是一方移情别恋，不是双方轰轰烈烈地吵一场，而是无声无息地分手......
Talk to me
Speak with me
don't sink before you rise baby
don't fade away
You hesitate
you seem to wait
for all the time we had
feels like a world away
Who's to say
we'll be ok
we're gonna make it through the night
don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile
cause we're the same
And I know that we'll will never change
look I bought your favourite ice ream
I don't want to see it melt away
If you walk out now
I don't know if we could be the same baby
just talk with me
cause' I want you to stay here with me
Talk to me, Speak with me… 我感觉到，这是你的心声。这煎熬的日子里头，你希望的，就是得到他的一句话。哪怕，是多么牵强的理由。可惜，你我都失望了。你问，为什么他要这样对你？我也问，为什么他要如此对你？谁知道答案？恐怕也只有他自己。我躲起来，也怕，你会从我联系到他。让自己更痛了！
我是过来人，我明白伤是很痛。恨一个人很辛苦，所以别恨他。要怪，就怪月老错配姻缘，怪我乱当红娘，结果，让你受苦了。莲，我真得很想向你说"对不起"。衷心希望你能够开开心心过日子！他不爱你，还有我们。莲，阿公阿婆爱你！
霉
本来哦，我很少相信命理之说。总觉得看看爽就好。可是，我最近真的不知道交上了什么霉运。那发霉的感觉一直缠着我不放。衰事一连串，我什么都做不好，什么都不顺利。快要一个星期了，我到底是不是要交上7天的霉运？忘记了这是SOCIAL PSYCH里头的什么THEORY了。怨天尤人，可能真的能让自己好过点。这股忧闷感差一点要把我弄爆了。睡觉发噩梦；走路要跌倒；连线，就线断；朋友丢下我；tutorial不懂和谁编成一组；钱掉了；精辩检讨会的资料不懂去了哪儿…….好多好多的，我也不知要怎么写，怎么说了。我不想让人担心，我想哭！我已经挤不出那一丝丝的笑容….
我开始消沉。看到我喜爱的东西，我已经不会叫；看到咖啡，我也不会想喝。我已经连成了不用吃饭也不回肚子饿的境界了。行尸走肉般。每天过日子，就是纯粹为了要过日子；每天都很努力，就纯粹要把自己手中的工作完成。我开始想，是不是因为我霉霉的，所以变得更霉了？
我静了…….一天说不上那两三句话。其他的，都只是客套话。笑，还是在需要的时候会笑。已经没力了，霉运跟着我。
Written on 17/9/2008 @ 2:32 p.m.
回忆中的往事
目前的心情，目前的歌曲：
《往事只能回味》曲：刘家昌 词：林煌坤
时光已逝永不回 往事只能回味
忆童年时竹马青梅 两小无猜日夜相随
春风又吹红了花蕊 你已经也添了新岁
你就要变心 像时光难倒回 我只有在梦里相依偎
透不过气来
这个季节，真是一个多事的时候。今年的中秋，我特别伤心。"唉"已经成了我这几天必然的叹语。没胃口，没动力，连社交我免得就免了。待在家里，待在房里，看着外面的天从晴变阴变雨，就好比我现在的心情。翻开报纸，原来有三个人因内安发令而被捕。我感叹，说真话也是一种错误。这国家到底搞什么鬼了？这社会到底变成怎么样了？我到底怎么了？
这几天外面风大雨大的，一下不小心，就会被卷入"是非"的漩涡里头，万劫不复。突然，我记得了一位朋友向我说过的话，他说所谓的真话也是经过我们大脑的过滤，觉得适合，才会说出口的。我想想自己，想着我最近说的话，到底有没有经过大脑？这几天发生的事，不管大小的事件，都快要令我透不过气来了。好多时候，我已经不知道自己是不是作了正确的选择，是不是尽了朋友该尽的责任。我无奈，为什么我就不能够潇洒点？
我累，而这次的累，则是心灵上的憔悴。看着面前等着我面对的事情，我没力了。我想采取不言，不闻，不视，不动的态度。为什么？我问自己为什么？我心里还再忧郁啊，而我也还再闷闷不乐。这股闷气，卡在我心里，吐不出来。但，我又能做得了什么？再闷，日子还要过。心里虽然还没释放，走出去，我还是会嘻嘻哈哈的。一个人的事，不应该让它影响到其他人。但愿明天天气晴朗，我能够潇洒摆脱忧郁！
别再哭了！
我告诉我自己，我不哭了。昨天一直到今天傍晚，我都是哭累了就睡，睡醒了又哭。哭了很久很久，哭得自己都失声了，为了什么？就是因为我觉得自己很坏。我很内疚，内疚不能够为你做些什么；内疚我想帮你说好话，也不知该说些什么。我觉得，我太不应该了。至少，至少，至少，至少当你成为箭靶的时候，我该帮你挡一两枝箭。
人人都说我太在乎你了，可是，我觉得我只是尽一位好朋友的责任。我一直都很心痛你，可能是因为太在乎，我苦了自己，也苦了你。当关心成为负担的时候，它就已经变成烦恼。我想，你不愿见我的原因，正因为如此吧？这个阶段，我问自己，我还能够为你做些什么？找了你很久，还是找不到，我还能够做些什么？我无奈了。我反思了。我告诉自己，我一定要相信，你有你的理由。我也告诉自己，要自己一定相信，你有你的能力。既然如此，我想，是时候我要学会放开。有点伤心，有点不舍，可是既然已经来到这一步，再有多么的不舍，我还是必须继续。
断断续续从别人口中知道你的情况，知道你还好，那就行了。顺其自然吧，我不哭了！
我好伤心！
或许有些事情，我真得不应该知道。或许有些事，我更不该理。Friends come and go，这个道理我明白啊。可是，我不希望它会发生在我们身上。我好伤心，除了哭，我还是哭。我觉得自己很对不起你，我觉得很内疚。我真得很心痛。我想了解，我想了解到底你发生了什么事。可是，我没机会了吧？我用了好多法子找你啊，还是找不到，我觉得自己非常没有用啊！明明知道你现在可能陷入很深的困扰当中，我却帮不了你，我好难受！
很多人问我，你为什么了？可是，我不会答。我只能够说，我真得不知道。你知道我的心是多难受的吗？曾经，你有事会至少告诉我一声；曾经，我至少还能够和你分担。可是，现在呢？我的泪，又一滴一滴地掉了下来。我的心是抽着抽着痛呀！如果你是看到了我写给你的一切，为什么你不回我？你认为我在判断着你吗？不是的，我是真的心痛你啊！我内疚自己说的话，让你觉得我判断着你了。我内疚，我可能真得没有站在你的立场为你着想了。别人说，我怪自己没有用，我也做不了什么了。只是，我还是很伤心。我心里一直认为，一定是，我没有尽力。
我想见你，我想把话说清楚。我哭，我哭着跟阿公说我对不起你了。我说了，我说我明天要去等你，等着一个见你的机会。可是，我心里明白，若我明天见不到你，我会崩溃；但，若见到你了，你一样不睬我，我会哭得更凶。老天，我要怎么办？我不想失去你这个朋友……
Written on 13/9/2008 @ 4:23 a.m.
忧心人、伤心话
我知道我不应该多管闲事；我知道说再多的话也不会有用；我知道我不该厚着脸皮一直一直缠你。有时间，我倒不如留回给自己：做作业，看电视，睡觉。可是，我就是担心，担心你啊。权，你以为，他们说我是你阿妈，真得玩啊？你每次失踪，已经失踪得没有人要理啦。大家都有一种共识，"兴权是会这样，过了一阵子，他就会自己走出来"。可是，偏偏我就爱把你找出来。冒着会给你打的险，冒着你会跟我绝交的险，我就偏要找你。这叫犯贱！明明不管我事，但可使我担心。我的老毛病，改不了啊！
当你和阿莲走在一起，我告诉我自己，我是时候退下了。你已经找到了一个会疼爱你的人，会关心你的人了。我衷心祝福你们，也真替你和阿莲感到高兴。我相信，你们会好好的。我相信，莲会让你有所改变。因为，我看得出，你是真心爱她；因为，我知道，你是重感情的人。既然如此，那么，那么，你怎么忍心让你爱的人受到伤害？
我心疼你啊。为什么？我问过你千万次为什么。你不说，我也识趣不再问。可是，如今，我又冲动想问你了，为什么？为什么你要把你的爱情当成赌注？怎么你还没有学会珍惜？难道，一切还比不上你现在的幸福吗？莲是个好女孩，我真心疼若你过错了她，你会后悔。每次，每次，当你失踪回来时，你会向我说声对不起。可是，莲呢？你把她当什么了？我是你的朋友，我不喜欢你这样对我，我还可以跟你绝交；但莲呢？难不成你希望分手？
我也心疼阿莲啊。好歹，人家也是一个黄花闺女啊。她也会伤心，她也会哭。她开心，也希望有你在身边一起分享。她累了，也希望有你的肩膀靠一靠啊！可是，此时此刻，你却在哪儿？拜托，你以为"男朋友"这三个字只是另一个称呼而已吗？眼看她为你担心，为你承受内心的挣扎，我真得不忍心啊！我告诉她，要她给你多一点时间。可是，就连我自己也没把握，这时间会是多长久……我想帮你说好话，但是，我还有什么话可以说呢？我的眉头都已经紧锁成一条线了……
我知道，这是你们俩人的事，我不该插手。我也知道今天我干涉了很多、说了很多。可能，今天之后，你会讨厌死我了。可能，今天之后，你会觉得我这老太婆真够烦！可是，就算你要讨厌我，也请你把我最后四个字听进去："珍惜眼前"啊，儿子！
Written on 9/9/2008 @ 3:14 a.m.
天冷，心寒
最近天气冷，我又有一种要进入冬眠的感觉了，总是提不起劲做事的。累，可是睡多了，还是一样累。天气冷，有一种索性不要起床的冲动。天气冷，有一种不需赶的态度。天气冷，又有一种没心情的感觉。所有的所有，赖天气，赖雨天。
可是，做人要反省。是谁令得天气变得如此奇怪？一连下了很多天雨，现在差不多每天都有一阵雨。出门没带伞，就非常狼狈。是谁的错？我们都会说，天气变了，老天爷生气了。这一切一切，是谁的错？我们该怎么办？昨天，我甚至在报章里头看到报道说非洲下雪了，难道，我们还没有理解到天气变化的严重性吗？
绿色行动，世界各地都有。我们要响应啊！不是口里说说支持就算的，行动上的支持呢？温室效应，我们都懂，可是我们又做些什么了？我的心真寒啊，我回想起，我几年前在戏院看的
历史、事实
阿末的"寄居论"闹大了，各方面都抢着加一张嘴进来，顿时这政治局面好不热闹。有一方，坚持要阿末道歉；另一方，就说不用道歉。我好奇，说声"对不起"真得怎么难吗？首相道歉了，副首相也道歉了，就是当事人坚称不需为他的言论作出道歉。呃，自相矛盾了一点吧？我不喜欢看政治，因为看多了，我觉得非常无奈。可是，最近就看多了。皆因，如今的报纸，30 版面，有大约一半以上都在谈论着政治。不看不看，还须看啊！毕竟，都需要知道国家到底发生着什么一回事。
有位元老说，要阿末道歉是实行双重标准。为什么马来人需要道歉？为什么身为华人的黄志明不需道歉？为什么兴权会不需要道歉？唉哟，老头子，您到底是从哪个年代走出来的？道歉还需要有种族之分的吗？一个人，不是需要为他的言行举止负上责任的吗？做错了，讲错了，就有必要道歉啊！这个道理，5岁的小孩都懂，您不懂吗？然后，很想问问您啊，您是患了老人痴呆症吗？黄志明没有受到对付，没有道歉吗？不对哦，我清楚记得，政府曾经要动用到《内安法令》来把志明哥捉回来的！我也记得，志明哥本人道歉了，连同他家人也一样道歉了。兴权会呢？这个我没有十足的把握说，但记忆中，他们的领袖现在还在牢押里头呢。那么，现在请问阿末兄到底该如何处置？
我很同情从事新闻工作者（不包括狗仔队啦！）。如实报道，最后还是被人说成扭曲事实；没如实报道，也会被人说隐藏事实的真相。做你们，真苦啊！阿末说，这起事件，他不需负上责任，皆因是记者误解了他的说法，胡乱引用造成的。他所说的"华人寄居"事实是国家独立前的事。那么，阿末啊，我真替你感到可悲啊！原来，你的历史水平也如此而已。独立前，我们任何一族都是从他方移民到马来西亚的外来者。这个国土，本来就不属于我们任何一族的。难道，你的历史老师没有教过你吗？难道，你忘了马来皇朝是怎么成立的吗？独立前，没错，我们有种族之分。独立后，我们不是都是马来西亚人吗 (Warga Malaysia)？
前阵子是副首相陷于蒙古女郎的课题，再来安华肛交的案件，又有916变天，如今多了一个阿末。到底有完没完？人民是要看政府的闹剧吗？我想说，对于那些坚持说不用道歉的人，那么，我们以后的身份证是不是要改印"在马来西亚的马来人"(Warga Melayu di Malaysia)，"在马来西亚的华人"(Warga Cina di Malaysia)，"在马来西亚的印度人"(Warga India di Malaysia)？可笑，搞清楚好不好？我们都是马来西亚人啊！
Written on 6/09/2008 @ 11:11 p.m.
幸福
我真得觉得自己很幸福。我做错了事，你都没有怪我。我反而，觉得自己很不应该啊！我很内疚。阿公，抱歉，抱歉，非常抱歉。你不接受我的道歉，你说是小事；你喝我，叫我不要哭了。可是，我真得很内疚。
哪有做女朋友的把自己的男友忘掉了？我叫你等我，但我没有记住。我不记得约了你，我忘了！我甚至以为我们的约定发生了！到我恍然大悟的时候，我才发现忽略了你！我太不应该了啦！你说没关系，但我在意。我也不知为何，脑袋子就是没有记忆。可能，真的是太累了。你说，不喜欢我做工做得没日没夜，不好好休息。抱歉啦，抱歉。东西，我真的需要赶起来。
我已经觉得对不起你和紫郡了，学会的东西乱七八糟的。又觉得对不起Rex、婧颖, Sean他们了，连累了他们啊！我再懒，我就要去跳楼啦！不过，我还是幸福的，有个疼我的男友。只是，有时，我会更希望你，情愿你大大声骂我......
结果，我有要等到发梦，发梦让你骂我，我才会心安.......
哪有做女朋友的把自己的男友忘掉了？我叫你等我，但我没有记住。我不记得约了你，我忘了！我甚至以为我们的约定发生了！到我恍然大悟的时候，我才发现忽略了你！我太不应该了啦！你说没关系，但我在意。我也不知为何，脑袋子就是没有记忆。可能，真的是太累了。你说，不喜欢我做工做得没日没夜，不好好休息。抱歉啦，抱歉。东西，我真的需要赶起来。
我已经觉得对不起你和紫郡了，学会的东西乱七八糟的。又觉得对不起Rex、婧颖, Sean他们了，连累了他们啊！我再懒，我就要去跳楼啦！不过，我还是幸福的，有个疼我的男友。只是，有时，我会更希望你，情愿你大大声骂我......
结果，我有要等到发梦，发梦让你骂我，我才会心安.......
我的8月31日
12:00 a.m. – 51年国庆快乐！不知不觉，马来西亚独立了半个多世纪。当年，“东菇”在独立广场高喊“默迪卡”的声音，仿佛一阵阵传入耳中。51年了，不容易啊。真是可喜可贺！但是，国家到底成长了多少，大家有眼看吧。今年的国庆，感触良多啊！和往年相比，欢呼声少了、烟火少了，连老天爷爷都哭了起来。马来西亚的民族风情到底怎么啦？是什么把我们的心冷藏起来？
12:28 a.m. – 我吃的太饱了，睡不着。明昆问我：“你没去庆祝国庆吗？”我说，没有啊，不爱去。他回我说：“看来华人都不爱。”我觉得奇怪了，明昆怎么就凭我一个人之说就做了一个这样的结论？我问了，为什么？他又答我了：“因为我问了很多朋友，他们都不庆祝。”噢，我懂了。原来，我们都是一样的。如果，真得如XXX论说“华人是寄居大马的人民”，哪么我们要用什么的身份，什么的方式，去庆祝？庆祝国庆就等同了爱国吗？我告诉明昆，我说呀，华人啊，不用庆祝的方式去表示我们爱国。对呀，华人是含蓄的。纵使这国家里的某些人，会让我们对这国土失去归属感，但我们毕竟都是土生土长的。国歌响起，我们会立正；州歌，我们还记得怎么唱；李综伟扬名海外，我们会感到骄傲；“东菇”的“默迪卡”声，会让我们感动！我们不爱国吗？我拿着的，还是马来西亚国民局办给我的身份证！
1:32 a.m. – 我跟蚂蚁大战了！我从厨房拿来盛水的杯子，竟有很多很多蚂蚁。我也没注意到就把水喝了2口！啊，超恶心的！不过阿公跟我说了，我还是赢了，因为蚂蚁死了，我也会把它们的蛋白质消化。呵呵！
2:18 a.m. – 我家的老人下网啦。我闲着没事做，寻寻网志。随意看到了一篇关于恋爱欺骗定律，当中的“ 天下总有更适合我的人——Wrong！珍惜眼前人”，我觉得非常有意思。对的时间，遇上错的人，没办法。错的时间，遇上对的人，可惜。对的时间，遇上对的人，真得要珍惜啊！
3:35 a.m. – 开始累了。突然发现，原来我的脚都还很痛。最近真得走太多了啦！
1:34 p.m. – 国庆日的报纸有点费！好多商人都不惜花上整百万去登广告庆祝国庆，结果报纸厚厚的，里头的新闻却不多。配合国庆，副刊有篇“对马来西亚知多少”的问答题。51 题里头，我得了32分。不错啦。副刊的分析说：“你不必脸红，是铁实实的马来西亚人”我都说了，爱国不一定要现。
4:54 p.m. – 发了个噩梦。阿公又骂我了。这几天都会梦见给他骂。这可能是我唯一向他道歉的方式吧。平时，骂他太多了，任性太多了。
6:55 p.m. – 开始了找歌的旅途。
9:13 p.m. – 情绪超低落的。还有很多东西还没有做好。学会的啦，精辩的啦，学业的啦，自己的啦。真的对不起。对不起阿公，对不起紫郡，对不起REX，对不起婧颖，对不起SEAN。东西拖了又拖，我就是懒！后天开学了，我说，我一定要把东西做好给你们。可是，看着厚厚的纸，又没有心情了！公啊，REX啊，我真得很对不起你们啊！
11:47 p.m. – 听着You Are My Angel。My dear.. You're my angel...
12:28 a.m. – 我吃的太饱了，睡不着。明昆问我：“你没去庆祝国庆吗？”我说，没有啊，不爱去。他回我说：“看来华人都不爱。”我觉得奇怪了，明昆怎么就凭我一个人之说就做了一个这样的结论？我问了，为什么？他又答我了：“因为我问了很多朋友，他们都不庆祝。”噢，我懂了。原来，我们都是一样的。如果，真得如XXX论说“华人是寄居大马的人民”，哪么我们要用什么的身份，什么的方式，去庆祝？庆祝国庆就等同了爱国吗？我告诉明昆，我说呀，华人啊，不用庆祝的方式去表示我们爱国。对呀，华人是含蓄的。纵使这国家里的某些人，会让我们对这国土失去归属感，但我们毕竟都是土生土长的。国歌响起，我们会立正；州歌，我们还记得怎么唱；李综伟扬名海外，我们会感到骄傲；“东菇”的“默迪卡”声，会让我们感动！我们不爱国吗？我拿着的，还是马来西亚国民局办给我的身份证！
1:32 a.m. – 我跟蚂蚁大战了！我从厨房拿来盛水的杯子，竟有很多很多蚂蚁。我也没注意到就把水喝了2口！啊，超恶心的！不过阿公跟我说了，我还是赢了，因为蚂蚁死了，我也会把它们的蛋白质消化。呵呵！
2:18 a.m. – 我家的老人下网啦。我闲着没事做，寻寻网志。随意看到了一篇关于恋爱欺骗定律，当中的“ 天下总有更适合我的人——Wrong！珍惜眼前人”，我觉得非常有意思。对的时间，遇上错的人，没办法。错的时间，遇上对的人，可惜。对的时间，遇上对的人，真得要珍惜啊！
3:35 a.m. – 开始累了。突然发现，原来我的脚都还很痛。最近真得走太多了啦！
1:34 p.m. – 国庆日的报纸有点费！好多商人都不惜花上整百万去登广告庆祝国庆，结果报纸厚厚的，里头的新闻却不多。配合国庆，副刊有篇“对马来西亚知多少”的问答题。51 题里头，我得了32分。不错啦。副刊的分析说：“你不必脸红，是铁实实的马来西亚人”我都说了，爱国不一定要现。
4:54 p.m. – 发了个噩梦。阿公又骂我了。这几天都会梦见给他骂。这可能是我唯一向他道歉的方式吧。平时，骂他太多了，任性太多了。
6:55 p.m. – 开始了找歌的旅途。
9:13 p.m. – 情绪超低落的。还有很多东西还没有做好。学会的啦，精辩的啦，学业的啦，自己的啦。真的对不起。对不起阿公，对不起紫郡，对不起REX，对不起婧颖，对不起SEAN。东西拖了又拖，我就是懒！后天开学了，我说，我一定要把东西做好给你们。可是，看着厚厚的纸，又没有心情了！公啊，REX啊，我真得很对不起你们啊！
11:47 p.m. – 听着You Are My Angel。My dear.. You're my angel...
决定了，不后悔
我要大声说：“我不后悔！”
收到通知，但我没有接受。别人告诉我要把握机会，毕竟人生中的机会不多。不应该就这样白白放弃，白白错过。我说，可能是天意吧？在我决定以后，才收到通知。别人又说，“你会后悔的”。放心啦，我不会的。没错，一开始的时候，我会觉得很无奈。可是，慢慢的，我没感觉啦。如果我要后悔，当初，我就不会做这个决定。我有我的原因，请相信我！我不会觉得错过了什么，有得就有失嘛。现在看来，我像是失去了很多；可我也得到了。
目前的我，放下了；看开了。反而，觉得现在的我，更自由，感觉不错。我坚信自己的决定，决不后悔！老天一定会保佑我！换一个方式去看，一切都是美好的！
And I got my offer letter…
Finally, it’s here. But too late. What you know? I got my offer letter from Deakin Uni!! Holy!! Haha. Right after I have decided to stay..
I guess life is with dilemma right? Now that I have decided to stay, the letter seems to be unimportant to me already. I don’t feel anything. It is like another piece of attachment I get from my email, nothing special. Yes, I do have a second thought on my decision earlier. Now that I have got the letter, I have another option. But soon, I stayed with my decision. Things do not always appear as we wanted. And, I guess, this is fate for me.
I told my friends that I have always been unlucky. I never good in drawing lots, seldom win lucky draw, and what more, when it comes to offers or scholarships, I will never get it! It is not that my results are not good. It is just I don’t have the luck for it. I managed to get matriculation earlier, hah, but I only got to know when I’m studying my Pre-U. So, what I am trying to say is that, it is the same with this matter. I decided, then I got the letter. Whether is good or bad, I cannot decide now. But, since I have chosen to stay local, whether good or bad, I will stay with it.
If you were to ask me, will I be sorry for giving up this offer? My answer is NO. The only thing that arouses my curiosity in this email is the course fee. I looked through my offer letter, and found the application form attached to it. And oh well, the course fee is stated inside. Wow, eventually, if I were to go Deakin Uni to study, for my first semester, I would need to pay at least a 10k Australia Dollars, which is around 29k Malaysia Ringgit!! Wow~~~ It is expected. But it is still very shocking to see the actual calculation! Education really so expensive! What more? It stated that this amount is “ESTIMATED” as cost might increases next year. Wow! One semester only ler..
And let me calculate my course fee in Malaysia. Depending on how many subjects I take, one subject will cost me RM 1,400. And, if I am not mistaken, I still got 11 subjects to take to complete my Degree. So, 11 X RM 1,400 will be around 14k. Har, there you go! My one year here is even cheaper than one semester in Australia. Of course, we must compare apple to apple, orange to orange. So this comparison is ridiculous! Australia has better environment and education! But then, I want to say, I need the money. If I can get a Degree in both ways, I might as well choose the cheapest path and save the money for other issues. I want to do my Master. And I want a better qualification with my Master. And so, I will keep my money for that.
You might tell me that my local certificate is not as precious as the overseas certificate. Let me tell you something. I have confident in myself, and I trust no matter what certificate I get nor where I get it, I am still capable to find myself a good job. I trust I make the right decision.. And no worries, one day I will surely go see the World outside Malaysia.. Just that, the time hasn’t arrived…. ^^
Written on 27/08/2008 @ 11:23 p.m.
Decided! I will stay!
I have decided to stay. And, I have registered for my thesis. (Yay!). My reason? Well, I have taken everything into consideration.. and well, I asked myself, what's the most important to me now? Is it a certificate or to go oversea?
Yes, I admit I don't like HELP anymore. But, I never like it before. Haha. So, it remains the same. Overseas? Let me see. To me, I really love and hope to go. But, I would rather it to be a travel than study. Yeah, experiencing life in another country is a different feeling, but staying local doesn't mean I'm not experiencing life! Life can still be interesting, and I will still enjoy it! Anyhow, life is full with amazing new challenges, isn't it? And, I am planning for it!
Going overseas will be nice, and I know I will like it. But, owning a Degree is also an important matter to me. So, I will stay to complete my Degree, and save the money for my Master in overseas! There you go! A win-win situation isn't it? And, yeah, I got plan! I am going for "Work and travel" right after I complete my Degree, then after that, MY MASTER! Yahoooo~~ It sounds so good now!
Anyway, here are my thesis topics. Gosh, I hope I made the right decision to choose these topics! Worry that it will be hard for me later.. And gosh! I am so going to cry! Hehe~
Dr. Hera Lukman Body Image
Dr. Goh Chee Leong Patterns of communication among young couples
Franklin Morais Measuring behavioural change for undergraduates in a psychology program
Kenneth Phun Influence of teaching styles on student-teacher interaction & student performance
Winnee Cheong Universal gestures (in nonverbal communication)
Dr. Albert Liau The effects of Internet use & video games on the development of children and youth
Siew Ju Li Personality and learning style
No matter how, I trust my ability! I trust, no matter I am in overseas or local, I can do my best and achieve what I want! You'll support me right?
Written on 26/08/2008 @ 12:21 p.m.
Headaching matter!
1st post in English. Yeah, can't find a better way to express my feeling. Speechless. And more to the state of blank. What's going on? And what am I doing here? One week before my next semester starts, and I'm here still thinking, whether I should go back study.. Lalalalala~
Which path is better for me? Overseas or HELP? Honestly, I don't like our psychology department anymore, but what other choice I have if I stay local? I'm supposed to register for my undergraduate thesis today, and ohya, I just got to know it like LAST SATURDAY? BOMB… what should I do? Ohhh… I got a very long list of topics, and yeah.. My mind going blank again once I look at them.. I'm not ready! I'm not prepared! BUT I don't want to skip another semester just waiting!!!! Australia, are you giving me a reply? Why am I waiting?
I speak a lot on this matter. Friends, family, psychology admins, my agent.. What should I do? What can I do besides waiting? And what's my heart telling me? So, I am thinking of money. Exchange rate is high now, inflation is bad, and course fee for uni is raising next year.. Good, then where on earth I should get the money? Yes, my parents got! But 100k is not a small number! Education is so expensive! What more? It's not even Master yet! Well, so I'm on my own after my Degree. But, if I am to complete my course locally, YES, I will do get the money for my Master. Aiyo! Why life is about choosing?
Yea, complaining. I been trying very hard not to complain.. But well, I'm frustrated; I'm hopeless; I'm bothersome! Can't I just complain awhile? I'm confident with my application but oh well, my stupid transcript is the problematic issue. And then, I don't want to wait anymore.. It's just wasting time!
Looking at my thesis topics again… One more thing.. I need to register for my subjects as well?? Oh well.. Guess I need to be prepared to go back college.. And I think that'll settle this matter.
Written on 25/8/2008 @ 11:34 p.m.
Which path is better for me? Overseas or HELP? Honestly, I don't like our psychology department anymore, but what other choice I have if I stay local? I'm supposed to register for my undergraduate thesis today, and ohya, I just got to know it like LAST SATURDAY? BOMB… what should I do? Ohhh… I got a very long list of topics, and yeah.. My mind going blank again once I look at them.. I'm not ready! I'm not prepared! BUT I don't want to skip another semester just waiting!!!! Australia, are you giving me a reply? Why am I waiting?
I speak a lot on this matter. Friends, family, psychology admins, my agent.. What should I do? What can I do besides waiting? And what's my heart telling me? So, I am thinking of money. Exchange rate is high now, inflation is bad, and course fee for uni is raising next year.. Good, then where on earth I should get the money? Yes, my parents got! But 100k is not a small number! Education is so expensive! What more? It's not even Master yet! Well, so I'm on my own after my Degree. But, if I am to complete my course locally, YES, I will do get the money for my Master. Aiyo! Why life is about choosing?
Yea, complaining. I been trying very hard not to complain.. But well, I'm frustrated; I'm hopeless; I'm bothersome! Can't I just complain awhile? I'm confident with my application but oh well, my stupid transcript is the problematic issue. And then, I don't want to wait anymore.. It's just wasting time!
Looking at my thesis topics again… One more thing.. I need to register for my subjects as well?? Oh well.. Guess I need to be prepared to go back college.. And I think that'll settle this matter.
Written on 25/8/2008 @ 11:34 p.m.
小变大
最近在WV（World Vision简称，我的公司也），我们都听着一首歌。好说了，就是“蜗牛”。很老的歌，不过却非常有意思。本人就觉得和这首歌很有缘。第一次听的时候，应该还在初中，当时没有多大的震撼。
再听，就是在刚刚过的辉煌生活营。一大群人，唱起来的感觉是不一样的。开始看懂了歌词，觉得写得很好。我就被感动了。生活营过去了，我也没想过会在大场合再听到这首歌，但我错了。那天到WV工作，这首歌就在公司了响起。大家都很有默契地跟着哼，再来的几天，这首歌简直成了我们的主题曲。原来，发现这首歌，是台湾WV的主题曲。难怪啊，每次唱都会有一种情绪波动的感觉。
就像周杰伦唱的“蜗牛”一样，一步一步，慢慢向上。我想WV的宗旨也是这样吧？所以，我也想用我小小的力量，来成就大大的梦想。为孩子，为世界。
再听，就是在刚刚过的辉煌生活营。一大群人，唱起来的感觉是不一样的。开始看懂了歌词，觉得写得很好。我就被感动了。生活营过去了，我也没想过会在大场合再听到这首歌，但我错了。那天到WV工作，这首歌就在公司了响起。大家都很有默契地跟着哼，再来的几天，这首歌简直成了我们的主题曲。原来，发现这首歌，是台湾WV的主题曲。难怪啊，每次唱都会有一种情绪波动的感觉。
就像周杰伦唱的“蜗牛”一样，一步一步，慢慢向上。我想WV的宗旨也是这样吧？所以，我也想用我小小的力量，来成就大大的梦想。为孩子，为世界。
就多做一点啦，没关系的
又开始有累的感觉了。最近做工真得太苦了。一早到傍晚，对着的就是厚厚一叠的募捐卡，看到我眼都要花了！而且，又不是那么的简单。一个人，可能有很多帐口，有可能没有帐口，有可能资料不齐全。总之，这一切的一切，都靠着我和另外2个（如果他们有来上班）同事看着办。每天，我至少输入150-250募捐卡的资料。眼累，手累，身体累！
听说，今年有大约8000名营员。这意味着会有大约8000张募捐卡，还不算那些乐捐的善意人。我听了有点晕晕的。在公司，看到的都是大家陷入一片忙忙碌碌的气氛。谁也正努力把自己手上的工作完成。募捐卡啊，差不多把财务部都沾满了。现在我走进去，都有种被压逼掉的感觉。苦啊！而，营衣呢？到处都是，为何？因为都没有地方放了！可见现在的情况是多么的紧逼。
我每天都希望能够尽快把手上的募捐卡完成，然后再继续。做到几多就几多啊！完成了，自己也心安。真得很不忍心再要其他同事们一起开帐口了，因为看得出，同事们都要为自己的工作而烦恼。我累，但他们更累。所以，我告诉自己，一定要休息好。帮到就帮，善事多做一点也没关系的！
Written on 6/08/2008 @ 1:31 am
听说，今年有大约8000名营员。这意味着会有大约8000张募捐卡，还不算那些乐捐的善意人。我听了有点晕晕的。在公司，看到的都是大家陷入一片忙忙碌碌的气氛。谁也正努力把自己手上的工作完成。募捐卡啊，差不多把财务部都沾满了。现在我走进去，都有种被压逼掉的感觉。苦啊！而，营衣呢？到处都是，为何？因为都没有地方放了！可见现在的情况是多么的紧逼。
我每天都希望能够尽快把手上的募捐卡完成，然后再继续。做到几多就几多啊！完成了，自己也心安。真得很不忍心再要其他同事们一起开帐口了，因为看得出，同事们都要为自己的工作而烦恼。我累，但他们更累。所以，我告诉自己，一定要休息好。帮到就帮，善事多做一点也没关系的！
Written on 6/08/2008 @ 1:31 am
照片都上载了
终于都成功把所有的照片都放上FACEBOOK了。夸张，我甚至有点怀疑自己是不是自恋狂。单单云顶的照片就有450张了！其他的相簿也不少。有冲动想要买自己的相机了，这样才能够满足自己一直要拍照的欲望。哈哈。算啦，够力穷的时候。唯有迟点再想啦。现在，还是欣赏照片。
走完PC fair，在 KLCC 留念
云顶疯狂拍照组
走完PC fair，在 KLCC 留念
云顶疯狂拍照组Written on 4/08/2008 @ 3:33 am
开始了Facebook的世界
在多人的要求及邀请下，终于有了第一个FACEBOOK的帐户。新鲜，但不懂得要怎么的玩。看不出有什么好玩的东西，但朋友就是极力推荐。就玩玩咯。反正闲着也是闲着，不如就找点东西玩玩。
困扰着怎么开始的时候，也纳闷怎么别人的帐户那么多小玩意的时候，就看到我的老友上网咯！可怜的“水鱼”就这样给我缠着了。哈哈。没办法咯，谁叫我有点笨笨和过时的！在FACEBOOK红遍了全世界，我还是像往常一样只用MSN。也管他那世界怎么变，我还不要加入。觉得很麻烦，也太多东西要学，所以就不玩了。要不，真的要不朋友一直说FACEBOOK，我可能要等上另外三两年才愿意去开账户。哈哈。
开了，才觉得自己真得跟不上时代。糟糕的啦，老师们都有帐户了，而且还是有多复杂就多复杂的！而我自己还是闲着就闲着。现在正努力，不过，我给自己一个任务，首先呢，我得要把云顶的照片都放上去。呵呵。我正努力。希望我会喜欢FACEBOOK的世界~
Written on 2/08/2008 on 1:52 am
困扰着怎么开始的时候，也纳闷怎么别人的帐户那么多小玩意的时候，就看到我的老友上网咯！可怜的“水鱼”就这样给我缠着了。哈哈。没办法咯，谁叫我有点笨笨和过时的！在FACEBOOK红遍了全世界，我还是像往常一样只用MSN。也管他那世界怎么变，我还不要加入。觉得很麻烦，也太多东西要学，所以就不玩了。要不，真的要不朋友一直说FACEBOOK，我可能要等上另外三两年才愿意去开账户。哈哈。
开了，才觉得自己真得跟不上时代。糟糕的啦，老师们都有帐户了，而且还是有多复杂就多复杂的！而我自己还是闲着就闲着。现在正努力，不过，我给自己一个任务，首先呢，我得要把云顶的照片都放上去。呵呵。我正努力。希望我会喜欢FACEBOOK的世界~
Written on 2/08/2008 on 1:52 am
幸福之情
很开心你接我的电话。因为，我在打这通电话前，是没有预料你会接听。激动，我感谢老天让我有机会和你在一起。天晓得，我是多么地幸运。认识你，我能说是我的一种福气；有你疼我，我想可能是我前身积来的公德……
缺钱
我已经到了够力穷的阶段了！！！可是，钱，我还是拼命地照花。山穷水尽的地步，非常时期的时候，我还是忍不住手，忍不住口。贪吃、爱美成了我的致命伤。我告诉自己呀，没钱就不要学人扮美了！可是，就是忍不住。我也好想像别人一样有漂漂亮亮的衣服穿呀！
Written on 25/97/2008 @ 10:23 pm
我想要的经典戏剧
最近流行复古，而我也很追随潮流翻回10多年前的无线电视戏剧来回味。这10多年的戏剧，说真的很难再找回来，所以，我最近对自己说，我找到了一定要把它们都收藏起来，让它们都成为陪我一起长大的回忆。
1。金牙大狀 I & II
2。天地男兒
3。包青天 I & II
4。刑事偵緝檔案 I, II & III
5。西遊記
6。醉打金枝
7。苗翠花
8。狀王宋世傑 I & II
9。美味天王
10。天地豪情
11。陀槍師姐 I & II
12。外父不易做
13。金玉滿堂
14。全院滿座
15。人龍傳說
16。洗冤錄 I & II
17。金裝四大才子
18。妙手仁心 I & II
19。壹號皇庭
20。鑑證實錄 I & II
21。封神榜
22。七姐妹
23。寻秦记
够力咯！能够找回全部，一定会是老天保佑！！哈哈！！我要加油咯！
1。金牙大狀 I & II
2。天地男兒
3。包青天 I & II
4。刑事偵緝檔案 I, II & III
5。西遊記
6。醉打金枝
7。苗翠花
8。狀王宋世傑 I & II
9。美味天王
10。天地豪情
11。陀槍師姐 I & II
12。外父不易做
13。金玉滿堂
14。全院滿座
15。人龍傳說
16。洗冤錄 I & II
17。金裝四大才子
18。妙手仁心 I & II
19。壹號皇庭
20。鑑證實錄 I & II
21。封神榜
22。七姐妹
23。寻秦记
够力咯！能够找回全部，一定会是老天保佑！！哈哈！！我要加油咯！
真的火了！
不知道要怎么开始，心情很乱。不想写，但不知道要怎么去发泄。有点无奈，不知道该怎么去说，才会让你明白。伤心，生气。
我知道你认为我无理取闹，认为我没有讲道理。早前，我就跟你说了，我不够睡的时候，很容易就会发脾气。不知道你是没有把我的话听进去，还是我自己说得不清楚。我很想大大声哭，可是就没有泪水要流。我气，我是很生气。我全身的毛都要站起来了，我说了，我是真的生气了！
我告诉自己，这次绝不会那么轻易就原谅你。我是真的火了！你的话，太伤我的心。我骨子里一直在气你！我伤心，但我不会表达，我也不可能冷静。所以，我逃避。我不想见你，不想听你解释，不想不想。
我不明白，为何要让你明白是件这么难的事？我不贪心，我只要哭泣的时候有个肩膀靠一靠、睡觉的时候有一个手臂当枕头，拥抱的时候有个胸膛挨一挨，我就心满意足。
火中乐乐
超级不够睡的一天。可是给人拉了去唱K、去吃火锅了。呵呵！我才说好久不见你们了，峥嵘啊，兴权啊，莲妹啊，没想到，话说完今天就见了。是巧合，还是缘分？老实说，真得很想念你们！没你们的日子很孤单，在家的日子很闲很闲。没办法，我天生贱相，喜欢工作。
吃火锅吃的饱饱，是一种幸福。我吃不多，可是就很喜欢喝汤。每一次去吃火锅，都让我有一种幸福的感觉。我家的老人很疼我，怕我烫伤，从来就只有他帮我拿食物。我啊，每次都不需要自己走，失误就会送进口里。不幸福吗？如果我还不自足，就该死了！
闲着闲着，闹着闹着，我们也谈得很夜。老人他有够无聊了，但我觉得他的创意不错的了，看看他的杰作，我觉得很可爱！像他一样很可爱！呵呵！
吃火锅吃的饱饱，是一种幸福。我吃不多，可是就很喜欢喝汤。每一次去吃火锅，都让我有一种幸福的感觉。我家的老人很疼我，怕我烫伤，从来就只有他帮我拿食物。我啊，每次都不需要自己走，失误就会送进口里。不幸福吗？如果我还不自足，就该死了！
闲着闲着，闹着闹着，我们也谈得很夜。老人他有够无聊了，但我觉得他的创意不错的了，看看他的杰作，我觉得很可爱！像他一样很可爱！呵呵！
草莓+巧克力雪糕调皮表情
不想懂得
如果能够选择不懂，我情愿不要知道。如果有的选择，我要幸福。
有时候 我怀念以前的我
作的梦 虽然远远的
想像是 一种快乐
拥有了 同时也失去什麼
而眷恋 原来会带来软弱
你让我在雾里成熟 心开始曲折
我不想舍得 不想懂得
是谁惹谁 言不由衷
说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错
怕抱不紧什麼
我不想舍得 不想懂得
谁说割爱 才更深刻
彼此依赖 是爱不是负荷
能握著手就是 感动的
对于我留学的事，最近太多人问我了。天啊，我能够怎样？成绩单方面出了问题，也不是我想要得。问我大学，问我经费，问我几时走，问我等等等等的事。如果有的选择，我不想懂得。
Written on 18/06/2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
