我的8月31日

12:00 a.m. – 51年国庆快乐！不知不觉，马来西亚独立了半个多世纪。当年，“东菇”在独立广场高喊“默迪卡”的声音，仿佛一阵阵传入耳中。51年了，不容易啊。真是可喜可贺！但是，国家到底成长了多少，大家有眼看吧。今年的国庆，感触良多啊！和往年相比，欢呼声少了、烟火少了，连老天爷爷都哭了起来。马来西亚的民族风情到底怎么啦？是什么把我们的心冷藏起来？

12:28 a.m. – 我吃的太饱了，睡不着。明昆问我：“你没去庆祝国庆吗？”我说，没有啊，不爱去。他回我说：“看来华人都不爱。”我觉得奇怪了，明昆怎么就凭我一个人之说就做了一个这样的结论？我问了，为什么？他又答我了：“因为我问了很多朋友，他们都不庆祝。”噢，我懂了。原来，我们都是一样的。如果，真得如XXX论说“华人是寄居大马的人民”，哪么我们要用什么的身份，什么的方式，去庆祝？庆祝国庆就等同了爱国吗？我告诉明昆，我说呀，华人啊，不用庆祝的方式去表示我们爱国。对呀，华人是含蓄的。纵使这国家里的某些人，会让我们对这国土失去归属感，但我们毕竟都是土生土长的。国歌响起，我们会立正；州歌，我们还记得怎么唱；李综伟扬名海外，我们会感到骄傲；“东菇”的“默迪卡”声，会让我们感动！我们不爱国吗？我拿着的，还是马来西亚国民局办给我的身份证！

1:32 a.m. – 我跟蚂蚁大战了！我从厨房拿来盛水的杯子，竟有很多很多蚂蚁。我也没注意到就把水喝了2口！啊，超恶心的！不过阿公跟我说了，我还是赢了，因为蚂蚁死了，我也会把它们的蛋白质消化。呵呵！

2:18 a.m. – 我家的老人下网啦。我闲着没事做，寻寻网志。随意看到了一篇关于恋爱欺骗定律，当中的“ 天下总有更适合我的人——Wrong！珍惜眼前人”，我觉得非常有意思。对的时间，遇上错的人，没办法。错的时间，遇上对的人，可惜。对的时间，遇上对的人，真得要珍惜啊！

3:35 a.m. – 开始累了。突然发现，原来我的脚都还很痛。最近真得走太多了啦！

1:34 p.m. – 国庆日的报纸有点费！好多商人都不惜花上整百万去登广告庆祝国庆，结果报纸厚厚的，里头的新闻却不多。配合国庆，副刊有篇“对马来西亚知多少”的问答题。51 题里头，我得了32分。不错啦。副刊的分析说：“你不必脸红，是铁实实的马来西亚人”我都说了，爱国不一定要现。

4:54 p.m. – 发了个噩梦。阿公又骂我了。这几天都会梦见给他骂。这可能是我唯一向他道歉的方式吧。平时，骂他太多了，任性太多了。

6:55 p.m. – 开始了找歌的旅途。

9:13 p.m. – 情绪超低落的。还有很多东西还没有做好。学会的啦，精辩的啦，学业的啦，自己的啦。真的对不起。对不起阿公，对不起紫郡，对不起REX，对不起婧颖，对不起SEAN。东西拖了又拖，我就是懒！后天开学了，我说，我一定要把东西做好给你们。可是，看着厚厚的纸，又没有心情了！公啊，REX啊，我真得很对不起你们啊！

11:47 p.m. – 听着You Are My Angel。My dear.. You're my angel...

决定了，不后悔

我要大声说：“我不后悔！”

收到通知，但我没有接受。别人告诉我要把握机会，毕竟人生中的机会不多。不应该就这样白白放弃，白白错过。我说，可能是天意吧？在我决定以后，才收到通知。别人又说，“你会后悔的”。放心啦，我不会的。没错，一开始的时候，我会觉得很无奈。可是，慢慢的，我没感觉啦。如果我要后悔，当初，我就不会做这个决定。我有我的原因，请相信我！我不会觉得错过了什么，有得就有失嘛。现在看来，我像是失去了很多；可我也得到了。

目前的我，放下了；看开了。反而，觉得现在的我，更自由，感觉不错。我坚信自己的决定，决不后悔！老天一定会保佑我！换一个方式去看，一切都是美好的！

And I got my offer letter…

Finally, it’s here. But too late. What you know? I got my offer letter from Deakin Uni!! Holy!! Haha. Right after I have decided to stay..

I guess life is with dilemma right? Now that I have decided to stay, the letter seems to be unimportant to me already. I don’t feel anything. It is like another piece of attachment I get from my email, nothing special. Yes, I do have a second thought on my decision earlier. Now that I have got the letter, I have another option. But soon, I stayed with my decision. Things do not always appear as we wanted. And, I guess, this is fate for me.

I told my friends that I have always been unlucky. I never good in drawing lots, seldom win lucky draw, and what more, when it comes to offers or scholarships, I will never get it! It is not that my results are not good. It is just I don’t have the luck for it. I managed to get matriculation earlier, hah, but I only got to know when I’m studying my Pre-U. So, what I am trying to say is that, it is the same with this matter. I decided, then I got the letter. Whether is good or bad, I cannot decide now. But, since I have chosen to stay local, whether good or bad, I will stay with it.

If you were to ask me, will I be sorry for giving up this offer? My answer is NO. The only thing that arouses my curiosity in this email is the course fee. I looked through my offer letter, and found the application form attached to it. And oh well, the course fee is stated inside. Wow, eventually, if I were to go Deakin Uni to study, for my first semester, I would need to pay at least a 10k Australia Dollars, which is around 29k Malaysia Ringgit!! Wow~~~ It is expected. But it is still very shocking to see the actual calculation! Education really so expensive! What more? It stated that this amount is “ESTIMATED” as cost might increases next year. Wow! One semester only ler..

And let me calculate my course fee in Malaysia. Depending on how many subjects I take, one subject will cost me RM 1,400. And, if I am not mistaken, I still got 11 subjects to take to complete my Degree. So, 11 X RM 1,400 will be around 14k. Har, there you go! My one year here is even cheaper than one semester in Australia. Of course, we must compare apple to apple, orange to orange. So this comparison is ridiculous! Australia has better environment and education! But then, I want to say, I need the money. If I can get a Degree in both ways, I might as well choose the cheapest path and save the money for other issues. I want to do my Master. And I want a better qualification with my Master. And so, I will keep my money for that.

You might tell me that my local certificate is not as precious as the overseas certificate. Let me tell you something. I have confident in myself, and I trust no matter what certificate I get nor where I get it, I am still capable to find myself a good job. I trust I make the right decision.. And no worries, one day I will surely go see the World outside Malaysia.. Just that, the time hasn’t arrived…. ^^

Written on 27/08/2008 @ 11:23 p.m.

Decided! I will stay!

I have decided to stay. And, I have registered for my thesis. (Yay!). My reason? Well, I have taken everything into consideration.. and well, I asked myself, what's the most important to me now? Is it a certificate or to go oversea?

Yes, I admit I don't like HELP anymore. But, I never like it before. Haha. So, it remains the same. Overseas? Let me see. To me, I really love and hope to go. But, I would rather it to be a travel than study. Yeah, experiencing life in another country is a different feeling, but staying local doesn't mean I'm not experiencing life! Life can still be interesting, and I will still enjoy it! Anyhow, life is full with amazing new challenges, isn't it? And, I am planning for it!

Going overseas will be nice, and I know I will like it. But, owning a Degree is also an important matter to me. So, I will stay to complete my Degree, and save the money for my Master in overseas! There you go! A win-win situation isn't it? And, yeah, I got plan! I am going for "Work and travel" right after I complete my Degree, then after that, MY MASTER! Yahoooo~~ It sounds so good now!

Anyway, here are my thesis topics. Gosh, I hope I made the right decision to choose these topics! Worry that it will be hard for me later.. And gosh! I am so going to cry! Hehe~

Dr. Hera Lukman Body Image

Dr. Goh Chee Leong Patterns of communication among young couples

Franklin Morais Measuring behavioural change for undergraduates in a psychology program

Kenneth Phun Influence of teaching styles on student-teacher interaction & student performance

Winnee Cheong Universal gestures (in nonverbal communication)

Dr. Albert Liau The effects of Internet use & video games on the development of children and youth

Siew Ju Li Personality and learning style

No matter how, I trust my ability! I trust, no matter I am in overseas or local, I can do my best and achieve what I want! You'll support me right?

Written on 26/08/2008 @ 12:21 p.m.

Headaching matter!

1st post in English. Yeah, can't find a better way to express my feeling. Speechless. And more to the state of blank. What's going on? And what am I doing here? One week before my next semester starts, and I'm here still thinking, whether I should go back study.. Lalalalala~

Which path is better for me? Overseas or HELP? Honestly, I don't like our psychology department anymore, but what other choice I have if I stay local? I'm supposed to register for my undergraduate thesis today, and ohya, I just got to know it like LAST SATURDAY? BOMB… what should I do? Ohhh… I got a very long list of topics, and yeah.. My mind going blank again once I look at them.. I'm not ready! I'm not prepared! BUT I don't want to skip another semester just waiting!!!! Australia, are you giving me a reply? Why am I waiting?

I speak a lot on this matter. Friends, family, psychology admins, my agent.. What should I do? What can I do besides waiting? And what's my heart telling me? So, I am thinking of money. Exchange rate is high now, inflation is bad, and course fee for uni is raising next year.. Good, then where on earth I should get the money? Yes, my parents got! But 100k is not a small number! Education is so expensive! What more? It's not even Master yet! Well, so I'm on my own after my Degree. But, if I am to complete my course locally, YES, I will do get the money for my Master. Aiyo! Why life is about choosing?

Yea, complaining. I been trying very hard not to complain.. But well, I'm frustrated; I'm hopeless; I'm bothersome! Can't I just complain awhile? I'm confident with my application but oh well, my stupid transcript is the problematic issue. And then, I don't want to wait anymore.. It's just wasting time!

Looking at my thesis topics again… One more thing.. I need to register for my subjects as well?? Oh well.. Guess I need to be prepared to go back college.. And I think that'll settle this matter.

Written on 25/8/2008 @ 11:34 p.m.

小变大

最近在WV（World Vision简称，我的公司也），我们都听着一首歌。好说了，就是“蜗牛”。很老的歌，不过却非常有意思。本人就觉得和这首歌很有缘。第一次听的时候，应该还在初中，当时没有多大的震撼。

再听，就是在刚刚过的辉煌生活营。一大群人，唱起来的感觉是不一样的。开始看懂了歌词，觉得写得很好。我就被感动了。生活营过去了，我也没想过会在大场合再听到这首歌，但我错了。那天到WV工作，这首歌就在公司了响起。大家都很有默契地跟着哼，再来的几天，这首歌简直成了我们的主题曲。原来，发现这首歌，是台湾WV的主题曲。难怪啊，每次唱都会有一种情绪波动的感觉。

就像周杰伦唱的“蜗牛”一样，一步一步，慢慢向上。我想WV的宗旨也是这样吧？所以，我也想用我小小的力量，来成就大大的梦想。为孩子，为世界。

就多做一点啦，没关系的

又开始有累的感觉了。最近做工真得太苦了。一早到傍晚，对着的就是厚厚一叠的募捐卡，看到我眼都要花了！而且，又不是那么的简单。一个人，可能有很多帐口，有可能没有帐口，有可能资料不齐全。总之，这一切的一切，都靠着我和另外2个（如果他们有来上班）同事看着办。每天，我至少输入150-250募捐卡的资料。眼累，手累，身体累！

听说，今年有大约8000名营员。这意味着会有大约8000张募捐卡，还不算那些乐捐的善意人。我听了有点晕晕的。在公司，看到的都是大家陷入一片忙忙碌碌的气氛。谁也正努力把自己手上的工作完成。募捐卡啊，差不多把财务部都沾满了。现在我走进去，都有种被压逼掉的感觉。苦啊！而，营衣呢？到处都是，为何？因为都没有地方放了！可见现在的情况是多么的紧逼。

我每天都希望能够尽快把手上的募捐卡完成，然后再继续。做到几多就几多啊！完成了，自己也心安。真得很不忍心再要其他同事们一起开帐口了，因为看得出，同事们都要为自己的工作而烦恼。我累，但他们更累。所以，我告诉自己，一定要休息好。帮到就帮，善事多做一点也没关系的！

Written on 6/08/2008 @ 1:31 am

照片都上载了

终于都成功把所有的照片都放上FACEBOOK了。夸张，我甚至有点怀疑自己是不是自恋狂。单单云顶的照片就有450张了！其他的相簿也不少。有冲动想要买自己的相机了，这样才能够满足自己一直要拍照的欲望。哈哈。算啦，够力穷的时候。唯有迟点再想啦。现在，还是欣赏照片。

走完PC fair，在 KLCC 留念

云顶疯狂拍照组

Written on 4/08/2008 @ 3:33 am

开始了Facebook的世界

在多人的要求及邀请下，终于有了第一个FACEBOOK的帐户。新鲜，但不懂得要怎么的玩。看不出有什么好玩的东西，但朋友就是极力推荐。就玩玩咯。反正闲着也是闲着，不如就找点东西玩玩。

困扰着怎么开始的时候，也纳闷怎么别人的帐户那么多小玩意的时候，就看到我的老友上网咯！可怜的“水鱼”就这样给我缠着了。哈哈。没办法咯，谁叫我有点笨笨和过时的！在FACEBOOK红遍了全世界，我还是像往常一样只用MSN。也管他那世界怎么变，我还不要加入。觉得很麻烦，也太多东西要学，所以就不玩了。要不，真的要不朋友一直说FACEBOOK，我可能要等上另外三两年才愿意去开账户。哈哈。

开了，才觉得自己真得跟不上时代。糟糕的啦，老师们都有帐户了，而且还是有多复杂就多复杂的！而我自己还是闲着就闲着。现在正努力，不过，我给自己一个任务，首先呢，我得要把云顶的照片都放上去。呵呵。我正努力。希望我会喜欢FACEBOOK的世界~

Written on 2/08/2008 on 1:52 am

幸福之情

很开心你接我的电话。因为，我在打这通电话前，是没有预料你会接听。激动，我感谢老天让我有机会和你在一起。天晓得，我是多么地幸运。认识你，我能说是我的一种福气；有你疼我，我想可能是我前身积来的公德……

那 天你说，还好我有下乡，不然你就不会认识了我，我也不可能认识了你。然后，你自言自语，说怎么我又巧好代替朋友，又巧好和你编成一组。我说，注定我们有缘 分。回想想，也真搞笑。我们，是没有所谓的开始；也没有什么暧昧。不记得你曾轰轰烈烈追求过我，只记得你陪我度过每个熬夜赶功课的夜晚，为我送上蜂蜜的日 子。而我们，就是这样，很自然地吸引了对方，然后走在一起。

我 曾一度怀疑，我们到底是不是来真的？我们的开始，好比是一个很草率的决定。我必须承认，我当时确实没有想太多，觉得你好，有爱心就够了。你有着比我其他追 求者多了一份心，是一份对我的关心。所以，就是你了。那天你问我，问我当你偷偷牵我的手时，我为什么没有把你推开？我说，因为你傻。不错啊，我不曾遇过一 个宁愿自己受伤，也要保护一个认识不深的女孩。所以，就是你了。因为我知道，你会保护我。

在云顶，我哭了。我怪你把我推入过山车。我说我危高，我怕那种高高冲下来的感觉。但这两天跟你在云顶，早就习惯了有你在身边的日子。回来了，突然，心好像少了什么的。没有之前的那般踏实。我就知道，是因为你不在了。没有人让我撒娇、让我依赖。

讨厌你，回来了都不给我一点点的讯息。等了很久，终于收到你说要睡觉的信。我心很急，不想打扰你，但很想听你的声音。挣扎，自己在心中挣扎了将近10分钟，结果还是忍不住。没想过你会接我的电话，所以我感动地哭了。听到你累得不像话的声音，也不懂你自己说什么。我真好想好想告诉你：我爱你。

Written on 31/07/2008 @ 11:58 pm

缺钱

我已经到了够力穷的阶段了！！！可是，钱，我还是拼命地照花。山穷水尽的地步，非常时期的时候，我还是忍不住手，忍不住口。贪吃、爱美成了我的致命伤。我告诉自己呀，没钱就不要学人扮美了！可是，就是忍不住。我也好想像别人一样有漂漂亮亮的衣服穿呀！

一个学期没有读书，我是在于零收入的环境。吃的、喝的、玩的、乐的，都是自己的。怪，也是要怪自己太贪玩了。钱不好好地存起来，要不，也不会到今天这么缺钱用的地步了。我啊，目前口袋里是连一分钱也没有。要用钱的时候，就去银行按钱咯。拜托，银行的钱也总会有被花完的时候的呀！我真的觉得自己太不应该了，钱存在银行，就是要等急事才用；再加上叔舅给的压岁钱，不该花在玩乐。知道了这种种的道理，又能怎样？高物价的时代，样样都说钱，我又能够怎样？

学会省，但我发觉到，省也省不了多少。所以，我也想着去找钱。没法子了，不想坐吃山崩，就唯有吃吃苦哦。当然，还得想出一个很好的理财方案，才行呢！

Written on 25/97/2008 @ 10:23 pm